I'm standing on a bridge, looking over the edge and noticing for the first time in a few hours how cold it really is.
There's a pretty girl there, too. She's about 5'8, long brown hair. Her hair is very nice, you should see it . . . It has that sensitive appeal that makes her look like the type who would tend to wounded animals. Don't be fooled. Her eyes are nice too, grey, just like mine were when I was born. Neither of these things will hook you, though. What's going to get you - gonna' get you for sure, is her body. She's thin, but not your average thin. Bones are beautiful, and she has all the beauty in the world. She dances, an evil dance, and I wish I could dance in between the rain drops like her. Everyone wants to dance, you know . . . And be happy. Hopefully even mean it one day. And Ana is one hell of a dance partner.
Her name is Ana, and I'm sure some of you know her well. If not, you might know her less affectionate sister, Mia. I danced with Mia, long ago . . . But that's a tale for another day. Today, we're talking about Ana. We're talking about Ana and why we all want to be with the girl with the great will power. Even if you say no, she reels you in. Tempts you. "Come on . . ." She says. No, she doesn't say it, she purrs it, and you just have to give her the time of day, because you know if you don't, you're not going to be like her. You're not going to win. Then again, can you ever win when you're facing the never ending chase?
I stare at the crystal ice below me. It's clean and clear, just like ice should be. Perfect. But I know that soon or later, some stupid kids are going to skate on it, scratch it's nice surface. Stupid kids. I reach into my pocket and take out a much deserved cigarette. I light that baby up and let it slowly consume my body. It fills me, makes me feel relief for second or two. Hey, it even fills a void, or seems like it. Ana and cigs go great together.
And you do things - and you wonder WHY you'd even consider them. Then all you can do is blame Ana. Because it is all her fault, after all. She does that to you, has this affect, where you're just stark mad for a while. Things cool down, though, but just a little bit. And they don't even cool down all the way, just enough for everything to be mildly bearable for a few minutes. Don't get dependent, nothings a sure thing when you're hanging out with Ana. Chilling with Ana. Playing games with Ana.
She's still purring, in my right ear more specifically. I try and shake her of, but she's a persistent little wench. Queen of Sweet Talking, I suppose. She'd have to be, to get you to do those things.
I just want to like myself. I just want to hate Ana. I just want to be normal. I don't want this obsession anymore. I want this gone. But once you invite her into your life, she's never really gone. You can make her leave (or, have others force you to evacuate her), but she'll always be there, lurking.
I take the last breath of that cigarette, throw it on the ground. Stomp on it, stomp on it hard. Kick it into the clear ice. Then I start to walk home.
And Ana holds my hand all the way.