My heart burns with jealousy. I'm so green with envy I blend in with the trees. If I lie down in the grass, you don't even know I'm there.
I look at people around me and feel the urge to tear them down. I want what they have.
Money isn't really what I'm jealous of. I don't want wealth or useless objects. What I want are your qualities, your looks, your friends.
Looking at me, you would think I was a normal person. Many people accept the common lie I spread. I have everything I want. I don't need what anyone else has.
It's a lie, it always has been and it always will be. I lie to you. I tell you I'm happy with myself, with who I am, with what I have.
Yeah, I have a good life. I go to school and I get good grades. I have a good job. I'm average looking, some may even call me pretty. I have friends, some may even say I have a lot. I have fun, I do things on the weekends. Most of the time I feel like a decent person with an average life. When I look at my life, I don't see anything missing. It's when I look at yours that I do.
You're the Vice President of Honors Society? You'll do a terrible job. I would have been a better choice, but I guess it wasn't up to me.
You have a boyfriend? I try to be happy for you but I'm not. I'm jealous. I don't like your boyfriend but I don't have one of my own.
You have more friends than me? Good for you, I don't care. I don't wanna know what you did this weekend with your friends that weren't me. I introduced you? And now you're hanging out together? No. You can't do that. I like you both, but not without me. I feel like some sort of matchmaker; always setting other people up for happiness, but always at the expense of my own.
When I see all your Myspace comments about how pretty you are? I want to call you ugly. You're just average, why doesn't anyone give me comments like that?
When I see how funny, nice, thoughtful, charismatic you are? I don't know why everyone likes you so much. You're nothing special. You're a normal person. I'm all those things and more. Why doesn't anyone notice me?
It's jealousy that makes my toes curl and my heart beat faster. When I see something I wish I had I get a feeling in my chest. It's jealousy. There's nothing worse than this quality about me.
I don't understand where these malicious feelings come from, but they rise from down below every time I get the feeling that someone is much better than me.
When you never win anything, never have a boyfriend, are always friends with the people who have too many friends to focus in on you, and are the person that nobody ever notices . . . life is hard. Life is a vicious fight for the spotlight and I'll always be the curtain-puller in the background.
I'll always be jealous. I can't make this feeling disappear no matter how hard I try. Heck, I'm even jealous of people who aren't jealous.
I want the jealousy to go away. I just want to be happy. But I've given up on wishing for happiness with who I am.
