I pulled away after our lips touched. I couldn't be falling for him. I couldn't have been. Nothing was wrong with him; I was just not ready for love to enter my life again. Love had stolen my heart and cut it up, leaving emptiness, regret, and betrayal.
"I have to go," I said as I swam away from him. I pulled myself out of the pool and ran out front. I was on the front lawn of the house, and collapsed down. Tear formed a river on my leg, and it just flowed without stopping. Everything I had kept bottled up just came out. Through my tears I heard screams, and I think they were mine, but the tears were too much to know for sure.
"Hannah? Hannah? Hannah!" I heard faintly, but I wasn't sure if it was my mind that was playing tricks on me or if Kyle actually cared enough to come after me. I wanted my tears to stop. I wanted to run to him, kiss him, and tell him I was sorry, but I couldn't. My legs were heavy from tears. I coughed, which forced salty tears down my throat, which made me cry even more.
Nothing seemed worth it at that moment. Everything my parents had put me through wasn't making me stronger, it was killing my heart. My insides melted, leaving me open to attack. It left my heart susceptible to every harsh thing the world had in its bag.
"Hannah, it's going to be alright," Kyle said, kissing my nose. Even though he wasn't a magician, the river seemed to dry. My heart felt protected by a fortress, something that would always be there.
I couldn't have been falling for him. He just seemed so perfect. I felt that without even saying anything, he could make me feel better.
But, no, this couldn't have been happening, not to me, not now.
"No, nothing will ever be okay. You like me. I like you. It can't be, this is not how it's supposed to be. I'm not going to let it happen again, it's terrible."
"Hannah," Kyle croaked without trying to. He choked on the thought of me saying we cannot fall in love.
"What do you want from me, Kyle? I'm sorry, but this can't be happening to me. Not just after it happened, I'm not supposed to trust love."
"Just admit what happened, Hannah. You can't hide it anymore. You need to face it. Say it," screamed Kyle with tears welled in his eyes.
"What that my family is falling apart, my parents are getting a divorce, and I'm scared. Is that all you want to hear, because if that's it, I'm leaving, and don't bother coming around."
"Because you don't need me? Well have a great life, Hannah. I'm sorry I even tried to be there for you. I'm sorry I tried to help you. You see past everything I do, and then just get mad at for me for telling you the truth. Why Hannah? Why?" he said as he tried to forget the tears that fell from his eyes.
I looked at him intently for a moment, "Because, I love you." I said as I ran over to Kyle and kissed his lips. I worried about how to kiss, but I didn't get why anyone would've cared how to kiss, because in that moment you kiss someone, everything falls into its perfect place.
This whole time I have denied that I liked him, but deep down I felt like I could spend the rest of my life with him. My parents were getting divorced, but I found someone who I could trust.
I had found the right one.
"I'm glad," whispered Kyle softly my ear.
She had a natural glow, and something had kept pulling me in for more. It was like no matter what, I couldn't have left her. I couldn't have hurt her. She was just too perfect. She wasn't the perfect you see in a model, but the kind of perfect that was for me.
"Here, I'll escort you home, and make sure you can get up the tree. We wouldn't want your arm broken now would we? It would blow our sneaking out cover!" I said as I tried hard to laugh at my own jokes, but they had felt dry. I felt like all along I was trying so hard to have made jokes, and now that she likes me, it all seemed to have floated away.
Relationships were hard, but I mean why wouldn't they have been? I mean you tried so hard to get that girl, but then when you get her, you just don't feel like you need to try. And you are left . . . alone. Or it could have been the other way around, or even other ways. It was just so hard to name all the problems with relationships. But even with all the problems, I still had feelings for her, and that was not the problem. The problem was the constant worried feeling I got that if I was not trying, she wouldn't have feelings back.
Did girls function like that? Or did they stick by their men at all times? I was an immature guy, and I just didn't know.
"Are you okay, Kyle? You seem, a little out of it," she said, but all I heard was her singing in perfect harmony to the words.
"Of course, I'm just a little tired. I've been pulling a few too many all-nighters, if you know what I mean," I chirped. Our hands had met, and swung in the air gracefully and happily.
Was I trying? Was I being myself? Or was I being just right? Did guys even usually think about this stuff? Or was I weird? Was I a nut case? Would a girl even have gone out with a nut case, even if they were in love?
"I mean school starts in a few days, and you have to be ready," she smiled. "Well, I think I actually remember how to get up to my room." Uh-oh. That was a bad sign.
"Are you sure? I mean . . ." I said persuasively.
"I am. I love you, and don't try so hard, I know you're nervous." She kissed me goodnight and climbed the tree like she was professional. Did she know how to do it all along?
I was happy beyond belief, but it was weird being that happy like that. I don't think I had ever been so happy before.