www.whyville.net Dec 6, 2009 Weekly Issue

Times Writer

Maybe I'm Not Alone

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Author's Note: This was me reflecting on my visit back to my hometown in northern Texas over Thanksgiving while I was on the plane back to Pennsylvania.

And now I know what it feels like to be alone. While passengers around me bustle about and sip their expensive lattes they purchased in the Starbucks before boarding, I just bluntly stare out the dirty window; the cold glass against my cheek and tears running down my nose, and I watch my Texas leave me as we ascend into the darkness above. The lights from the airport are swallowed by the clouds and the rain disappears as we shoot up into the night sky. No stars or moon tonight, trying to mock my misery.

"Please don't leave me again."

I have never cried leaving a place I love. I am stronger than that. My tears are saved for more important things, occasions that actually have some meaning to them. I knew I never should've come here; I knew it would be too hard to leave it again. All these memories have filled my head and heart with pain and joy the past few days. I'm screaming on the inside, ready to jump off if they would just lower it to the ground. Closer . . . closer . . .

How could I possibly leave? I know it's not perfect here, but what else have I got? I am a Texan by soul and blood, and these past two years away from it have been the hardest of my life so far.

From friends, to family, to former crushes and classmates, I can still feel their arms around me in a warm embrace, their breath on my ear as they tell me how much I've changed. I remember him, I can't exactly recall her, but I remember this place . . . and that's all that matters. This is my childhood. And possibly my future.

I know, I've grown up in one world and I'm living in another. So many different friends, different homes, different faces, different states . . .

But I realize this is who I am and this is what was meant to be. If I was still living here, I may not be the writer and musician I am today. I may have never discovered Grace and may have grown more isolated than I already was.

It's a three hour flight until I reach home.


Back to school. Back to my new friends. Back to be the Grace I've blossomed into.

But I can hold onto my friends, even if they're not always physically there. Their love is in my heart and eyes, and I promise myself I will not forget. Every call, email, and text will be with love in every word. I thought I was alone all of these years. "I was blind, but now I can see."

I can see so clearly that I am not alone.

So I lean back in my seat and smile softly as I am offered a soda and a pack of pretzels. As the plane jolts and the pilot flips off the cabin's lights as people toss and turn to go to sleep, I see lightning shoot through the clouds below us, and I pray my friends are thinking of me as well.

And I hope they know they are not alone.

"Cause baby you're not alone, 'cause you're here with me! Nothing's ever gonna take us down, 'cause nothing can keep me from loving you, and you know it's true! It don't matter what'll come to be. Our love is all we need to make it through." - "Not Alone" from 'A Very Potter Musical'.



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