This time, I'll be ready.
I'll make myself prepared no matter what it takes. I will do everything I can to make sure that this isn't going to be a repeat of last time. No disasters. No failures. I am not going to give up that easily.
The memories will haunt me forever, no matter what things I achieve in life. Yes, other failures and accomplishments will overshadow that period in time, but I still will not forget the disappointment I brought to my friends, my family, and most importantly, myself.
That time was grueling, exhausting. I tried so hard. Yet, it just wasn't good enough. I've had more than enough time to cry about it and I used every night to do so. But I've forced myself to get over it. To suck it up. 'Cause this next time around, I want the bad memories to be pushed so far back into my brain that I can't even think about it. There's no time to dwell on it. There's only time to work hard. And I'm going to use it more than I used time for crying.
So from this point forward, I'm not going to waste my time being a crybaby. I'm a big girl and I should handle all of this like one.
If this time around, all my efforts are for nothing, I still won't give up. I'll be heartbroken, ashamed, humiliated, and mortified. But I will not give up. If I lose again, there will always be a next time. But as far as I can tell, this time, I'll be ready.