Author's Note: This article does contain some of my religious beliefs. If that's going to offend you, don't bother reading it. I'm not trying to shove my beliefs down your throat and if you accuse me of such, you will incur the wrath of a million spider bites. On that lovely note, enjoy.
I have to believe that God wouldn't give me something I couldn't handle.
It's the basic nature of me. I need to know that whatever I'm faced with, I can handle it. That is what turned me to religion and that is what has kept me there ever since. I need to know that somehow, someone knows how strong I am and this is all just a way of proving that.
Lately, I'm not so sure.
The beginning of this year was amazing. I was incredibly close to all my friends, I had a best friend I trusted and loved like a sister, and I had what I thought was the most amazing boyfriend in the history of boyfriends. I was getting stellar grades, despite having every possible advanced class I could.
It was good for about half the year.
Things started going downhill when my best friend turned around and stabbed me in the back. She said some of the worst things I could imagine a person saying to another, and she said them about me. We stopped talking. That upset me, but it was mostly okay because she seemed like such a poisonous influence in my life.
I drifted apart from my other friend because I didn't have any classes with her . . . And she was making her own friends. I didn't mind that but they saw her a lot more often than I did, and she seemed to really like them. She never neglected me but we grew apart anyways.
My grades began to drop. Just a little, not noticeable unless you were looking for it. A couple points here, a couple points there. I got my worst grade on a test, ever, a B-.
Thing were okay for a while. They weren't as great as before . . . But I had Red (remember him from way back when when I could actually be counted on to submit articles?) and that was enough for me.
As it turns out, it wasn't enough for *him.*
We grew apart too. Slowly. Painfully. One day I called him because there was something wrong. I knew there was something wrong. Three hours later, all cried out, we said goodbye. I guess I was what had been wrong because I saw him the next day and he was happier than I'd seen him in a long time.
Three months later and I still can't call myself "over him." (I've made considerable leaps and bounds, but it gets to me sometimes.)
This week is finals week and I'm actually going to miss my teachers after this year is over. Today was the last day I'm going to get to see a lot of my friends for months.
And it's all just too much.
I feel anxious all the time. I feel myself slipping into old habits - reading for hours instead of hanging out with friends, crying for no reason. I don't think I'm sick. There's just so much stress on me right now and being a teenage girl doesn't help.
It's kept me going, that mantra. I will never be given something I can't handle. If it's being thrown at me, I'm strong enough to handle it. I am strong. But it doesn't always feel that way and sometimes it's hard to keep sight of that fact.
Okay, this whole thing is sounding a lot like "pity me" right now, so I'm gonna do my best to work in a moral.
Life can change at the drop of a pin. Things can go from being great to being horrible so quickly that you look back and you don't quite believe it happened. Add that all to being a teen and you've got one very messy situation.
But you're not alone. There are others out there who are going through what you're going through and they're just as confused and upset as you are. And you have the power to help them. I know how much it would mean to me if, instead of "why are you stuck on Red?", someone would say "I get it . . . these are some things you can do to help you along." You can be the change in someone else's life. It's so very rewarding and since what goes around tends to come around you might just notice a change in your life too.
Being a teen is stressful. Adults have their own problems that make ours look trivial, but, at the time, they're anything but trivial to us. Talk to other teens, people you trust, people who will understand you. You've probably heard this a million kajillion times but getting it out helps. Crying with your girlfriends (or guy friends) is better than crying into your pillow, trust me.
Make a point of having "you" time. Watch your favorite show, eat your favorite pasta, anything that makes YOU happy. Do it once a week if you can and do it religiously. Don't let any worries seep into this time - it's about you and you alone. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Find something that makes you happy and share that with the people closest to you. I love writing and photography and also "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". So, one day I had my friends over to do an intense night-time photo shoot in vampire costumes and then we made up stories about it. Fun was had by all and it made me feel a lot better when it was over.
It's almost summer time, so let yourself relax.
Chill out, Whyville. It's gonna be uphill from here.