www.whyville.net Jun 27, 2010 Weekly Issue

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Who I Am

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I'm quit startled as I walk down the side of the street. I'm scared and hear a pounding in my chest. I lean over but then I fall as hard as water on a rock drifting through a river; nobody knows who I am.

Nobody can see my true beauty. I have always been a leader, but I've never been followed. Of course I have friends, but not enough. They are the only one's who can see who I am, who can see me for me. Maybe I will have to do something about that. I don't know why this force is charging into me like this. I clearly state, "I know who I am," although I don't. I want to be who I am, but I don't know who I am.

I'm just water on a rock. I'm not part of anything. I have become something I'm not. I'm a leader not a follower, but some how it all falls apart when I do something. It all gets away like I'm a bug on a windshield trying to stick out. I know what I want to be, but others do not know about it. I'm always embarrassed to speak up. But, I do anyways; I ask questions, and stand up for what I believe in. But I still don't know who I am.

I'm just a kid and nobody, and I mean nobody, knows who I am. They may think they have me figured out, but they don't know who I am. My friends and family know what I am, but do they really know who I am or what I want?

I'm ugly and chubby. I even dye my hair. I try to be better and I really care. I love my dyed hair and my layered haircut, but it could be better. I need to be better. I need to be prettier. I'm ugly! I don't understand why people care, but they do; that's why I really, really care!

It is really hard to speak my mind. I really do try, but is it enough? I don't understand why it matters so much about what I look like, or why I'm not good enough. Who cares what I want? Who cares what I need? I'm just a girl who is 13 years old; nothing that I say matters, nothing counts.

I've had my times when I think life is not worth living, but I've had those times when life is all I have. I worry too much. Every head ache I get I think is a brain tumor. Every cold is the swine flu. To me, life is something we have too little or too much of.

I pray every night as I drift into sleep that my family, friends and I don't go through pain. I know someday we will all die that's just part of life. We come and we die. It's a sad thing to think about. The word "death" is so scary to me. I just don't understand it. I don't understand living and dying; I just can't explain it. It's a concept that is too strong for me to wrap my head around. I would never kill myself or anybody else. I know I wouldn't.

Somehow the only person who can see exactly who I am is my mother. She knows it all. Somehow or other at the end of the day I can say that I live for her. I have my whole life ahead of me to figure out who I am. For now I just need to sit back and enjoy every moment of life I have because life is too short. I think I'm finally beginning to understand who I am and loose track of what I am. That's all that matters or is it?


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