Author's Note: This was inspired by the song, "I See You" by Mika. I looked at the lyrics and listened to the song to realize how this relates to my experience. The song gave me the courage to write this article.
I have known you for eight years yet I haven't spoken to you in six. You were my best friend, and you always will be. You were also the first person I had a crush even though you hadn't a clue. I knew you liked me, but shyness won and I never told you. Second grade was the last time we spoke and I will never forget the words. "Goodbye, I hope I talk to you soon."
I was young and I never knew that would be the last words you said to me. You left my school and you were placed in a grade lower because you failed second grade. I did not see you again until the third grade carnival when you came back to my school. I was to nervous to talk to you and walked away. It affected me, but not in the way it has the other times. I was just waiting to see you again, but it would not come for a while.
Eighteen months later I saw you and your sister selling lemonade by your house. I begged my parents to let me have some so I could talk to you, but they refused. They didn't know that we had something and I wasn't about to tell them. I cried in the car as we drove away. At least I knew where you lived. I still was not enough. I was a nuisance to my family just to get them to drive there because it wasn't in biking distance. Not talking to you really set in and I started to be a mean person. I was terrible to my brother and had no patience for my parents and I was only 10. I needed you more than you could ever know.
The summer I went into sixth grade I went camping with my family. It was out of town so of course I did not expect another encounter. We went to get lunch at my favorite place and my mom chose a table next to yours. I had been in the car for about two hours and was exhausted. I didn't even know it was you until you stared at me when your family left. Still no words were said. I was in a miserable state the whole trip. All I did was lay on my hammock. I didn't even sleep that night I was thinking of all the memories of you. I thought once again that I would be brave the next time and speak to you.
I was finally a seventh grader and I thought I forgot about you. I was out with my friend and she was talking while we walked around. I saw a girl with the same shirt on as me and then I look at the guy next to her. It was you. We stared as we walked in different directions. I regret not chasing after you. I did not even tell my friend who you were. I was a closed book and no one could open me.
I came home that night determined to find your phone number and after an hour I found it. I could see you or call you whenever I wanted to, but I wanted fate to take its course even though I probably wouldn't. Now I think about you every day.
In retrospect I wish I would have told you. Everyone knew you liked me, but no one knew that I liked you except for the guy who would swinging with us at recess. He told me on the second to the last day of school he knew my secret. Steven was a smart guy, but he moved away just like you.
It wasn't until today when I thought it will be less than two months until I get the list of seventh and eighth graders. You will be on the list. You in seventh and me in eighth grade. You are four months older than me. It's so unfair, but then I looked on the bright side. On August 25th I will get to see you once again. I won't just be seeing you, but words will finally come out. I will get to tell you everything that has happened to me and everything in my mind. I will tell you I miss you more than anything. I just hope you have remembered me. I haven't forgotten a thing.
I'm waiting for you Connor.