Author's Note: Lyrics used are from "Glitter in the Air" by Pink.
It's only half past the point of no return
It's the tip of the iceberg
The sun before the burn
It's the thunder before the lightning
The breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?
I told him I loved him. I told him every day, as often as I could. I rushed headfirst into something that I had no experience in. I can't even say it "felt right" because I've never been in love before and I'm not sure if I was then.
My point is, I said it and I think I meant it.
And that is what embarrasses me the most now that we've fallen completely out of touch. I opened myself up and made an idiot out of myself. I promised myself I would keep a clear head and I failed.
I don't blame him at all. He didn't push me into it. I kept it inside for as long as I felt like I could - five months. Hindsight being 20/20, that seems like the blink of an eye, but at the moment it was an eternity. It just came tumbling out, those little words that change lives for better and for worse. After that it was like a drug. I overused them. But it felt good, so I didn't care if they sounded fake or stupid or stereotypical.
It's just now that I'm realizing that they did, in fact, sound all of those things. As a generally truthful person, that makes me cringe.
I wish that I was the only one that's ever suffered through that embarrassment, but I know I'm not. I'm positive that most of you reading this know exactly what I'm talking about, no matter your age.
It's a fact of life that heartbreak happens. I realize that and if you don't, you should learn it quick before you get trampled. Relationships shatter, friends leave you, and people you love die. That's life. Short of locking yourself in a dark closet, there's nothing that will stop it from reaching you.
There's nothing you can do to stop it, but there are steps you can take to prevent some of it. I haven't lived enough to tell you all of them - I doubt anyone has. I can tell you this, however,
there's a time for love and it is not when you're fifteen.
Relationships end one of two ways - in marriage or in shreds. I can't speak for you, but, at fifteen, I wasn't ready for either. I'm not telling you not to date, that's up to you. I loved dating. I just wasn't ready for the consequences.
I got myself into a mess that I wasn't prepared to clean up, and I am just now emerging from the wreckage.
I know I'm just another inexperienced little girl going through a typical teenage problem. I'm certain that none of you will take my advice because love is tricky, it's not like everyone says it is. It sneaks up on you and convinces you that it belongs to you and then it turns and runs away. You'll be sure that your guy or girl is *the one*.
Just think. Think before you act, think before you speak, think before you say I love you . . . and maybe you'll be spared some of what every girl in history has experienced.
I'm not encouraging you to lock yourself away from the world. Get out there. Date. Live, because life is short. Carpe Diem and all that jazz.
Just proceed with caution.