I'm not me anymore. I'm not the girl I used to be. I haven't been the same ever since I moved.
I'm not that girl who wasn't afraid to make a fool of herself in public. I'm not that girl who was quiet for teachers but loud whenever there were none. I'm not that weird, crazy girl whose best friends were her sisters. I'm not that naive girl who thought best friends really were forever and they would be there no mater what, who thought nothing could come between her and them, no matter how many miles they were apart. I'm not that girl who thought friends were everything, who believed she couldn't survive without her three closest friends. I'm not the girl who would tell her friends anything and everything, sure they would never tease her for whatever it was.
No, I'm not that girl I was just two years ago in sixth grade. I'm just a shadow of her.
I am now more cautious of what I do and say in front of people I'm not close to. Only a few times during study hall have I had people stare at me while I was acting weird with my friends, as opposed to that happening every day wherever I went. I'm still quiet for teacher, but I am for my friends, too, except when I am in a great mood and open up a bit. I'm still weird, no doubt about it.
But only a select few see that side of me. And even fewer, if any, see me when I'm acting truly crazy like I used to. Because I hardly do anymore. My best friends here are not my sisters. We're not even that close, as I hardly open up to anyone. I've learned that only a true friend will be there no matter what, and they're the only friend that will be there forever. I know that miles will come between best friends, it causes them to grow apart. I know that you are lucky if you find that one true friend, and I know you need to hold on to them tightly, because they're irreplaceable. Unlike best friends, you can't make a new true friend in every town you go to.
I found out the hard way that best friends will not be there through everything, and you can lose them and easily replace them. No longer do I believe friends are everything. Yes, they are important and surviving middle school would be hard without them, but they aren't everything. I would trust my best friends with my life, but only two of them (and I have quite a few) with my secrets. Not that I don't trust them to keep them, I do, but they'd never let me forget the embarrassing ones, which they all are. Two or three of my best friends haven't yet gained my full trust. Three of them have, and one is close, but she and one of the others I trust would always tease me about it. But I've learned I don't need to tell my friends everything, because that only makes me become more attached, and one day they won't be there and you'll just miss them more.
You see, that's the difference between the old me and the new me. The new me has been through enough pain. She's afraid to get attached to anyone because that only makes it hurt more when you don't have them anymore. And she doesn't want to go through anymore pain. So her feelings were spared at the expense of her personality.
