Despite what I think of myself, I'm not a dumb girl. I may do unintelligent things (who doesn't?), but I'm not stupid overall. So when I do something as stupid as I've done, I'm always a little shocked at myself. That I let myself slip. I'm disappointed in myself.
There's this guy (isn't there always?), and he's so not a guy I should be in to. And yet, I find myself . . . very into him.
This is a guy I see every day, for hours at a time. We talk outside of school. He's one of my closest, best friends. Over the past year and a half, I've grown to fully trust him, even after I was so shattered that I didn't know if I could ever do that again.
In some ways, I depend on him. When I'm upset, he keeps me grounded. When I'm sad, he's the one that makes me smile again, every time. When I'm hurt, he's the first one asking if I'm okay, the first one to stand up for me. I see him every day and it's good for me. I can't imagine not having that.
I know what happens if things go wrong - we stop talking. My last ex can't even make eye contact with me. I don't know if I can stand to lose that with him.
He's my best friend, and I can say that truthfully. Seeing him makes me not exactly happy, but content, no matter how bad it gets.
I don't love him . . . but I think maybe I could, somewhere down the line. And it's that that I'm holding on to. That hope. That possibility. That chance.
Maybe I should have expected this, but I didn't. I'm not a stupid girl, but I've done the stupidest thing I can think of.
I've fallen for my best friend.