Author's Note: This article goes with the articles 11505, 11375, and 11576.
This has been the hardest out of the three articles to begin. Maybe it's because the last time I wrote, everything was so straightforward. I knew our past like the back of my hand. Now October and the first few weeks of November aren't so obvious. It's all so confusing.
October was filled with maybe four words. And I have to say, they were very weird. We know where each others lockers are from just messaging in September, but from then to October 18th I might tend to forget little details. I was walking to my third period class and I saw a lock open on the locker 205. I thought yours was 206 so I didn't worry. There was maybe one minute until the bell so I went over to close it but behind me I heard a voice. What are you doing? It sounded more like one word but I could make it out. It was you. The only four words you said to me all month and that was because you caught me at your locker.
October held much more between us. Just not words. One of my favorite things in the world is your expressions towards life. I see you with your friends, in class, and with me. I like the ones towards me the best. They aren't the same as when you're doing normal things. You see me in the halls and you look up, smile, then look down again red faced just like you used to do in second grade before our friendship. I tell this to the four people that get to hear about you and I get the same reaction. He likes you. I was never sure and I'm still not. If this is ever true, then my things are complete.
Your hints towards liking me were the ones a shy guy would give. You are shy, so I guess I would expect that. All of your friends see me and they give me a look of recognition when I know nothing about them. When I go into your fifth period class for Office Aid everyone knows my name and I have never told them. It's not like they know everything but they sure have a clue that I know you. Once I had to deliver something to you. It was a simple little slip but it took everything in me to go up to you and hand it to you. I could have given it to the teacher but I chose not to. I went up and put the slip by you and I heard someone at your table say something. 'She always hands the slips to the teacher, why did she give it to you? How do you know her?' By that time I was out the door. If only I heard your response.
This was all October was. Nothing really big, but it was a huge step. You might like me. I knew that if so much happened in October, November was bound to be better. At the beginning of November I thought I had all the time in the world. Just a few more months of progress and things between us would be better than they ever were. I'm a future thinker and sometimes that isn't good. When my future goes opposite of what happens, it's the worst thing in the world. Of course what is wrong with this plan? It's not like anything could ruin it.
October 8th changed me. If you look back at article number 11567 you would know that it was exactly two months from the first time we talked in over 5 years. A lot happened in two months, but even more happened in the day I am writing about. It was a rather boring day until my last class of the day, English. We were typing on the school laptops and I had finished fifteen minutes early. So I decided to go on your Google Docs to see what you were working on. It was a bio for a computer applications class. I was a little confused because you were supposed to be in Spanish. I read anyway. Reading a certain paragraph from it changed my life.
"I am moving to Idaho from Montana because my dad got a different job. I wanted to do caps before I left so I asked if I could change. My dad is already out there and we are waiting for our house to sell first."
It was so short but I read it over and over again for the rest of class. Only two of my friends in real life know about you and one of them was in my English class. She saw my white face and asked what was wrong. For the first time ever I couldn't speak. I was speechless. I just pointed and then started to cry in the middle of class with two minutes left before the bell. I'm just so happy no one was paying attention. The final bell rang and I ran to the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and began to sob. This wasn't happening again. Why do you have to leave me again for the second time?
I spent about 5 minutes in the bathroom and left just so I wouldn't miss the bus. Then I got on and saw Shelby. She knew the most about us. I saw her and whispered that you were moving. Then I broke down. Even worse than in the bathroom. The entire ride I just cried. She comforted me and made me feel a little better. She knows how much I love you. After getting off the bus I lied to my mom because I couldn't tell her. I have never told her about you. My mom could never understand. Not many people do. You are my past. You are my everything. I needed comfort and I messaged you on Facebook for the first time since my last article about you asking if it was true you were moving. I didn't get a response until the next day. You said yes but then changed the subject. I could tell you didn't want to talk about it. You could have been just as sad as I was.
It's Wednesday, two days later. I still wasn't over this. I never will be. There was a veterans assembly for about a half hour at 9 am and then all of the school went outside to wait for the helicopters to come. The school was outside for over an hour and I spent most of the time with Shelby. She knows what you look like, but she has never met you. She has always wanted to, but it just hasn't happened yet. When we were outside for about a half hour we saw you. "Hi random sevy!" That is what Shelby says to you. You should have seen my mouth drop. You turned to me and I just looked dumbfounded. I made myself talk and it wasn't that bad. We had a conversation. It wasn't killing us. It was very awkward but it happened.
We talked for a while until the planes came and then we kind of separated. I thought that was all that was going to happen and I was just fine. Then Shelby said she was going to talk to you again. She is super outgoing. I don't believe her until she is gone for two minutes and then I go up there. I had to. We talked again and this time it was so nice. Nothing awkward just us taking. You notice the seventh graders are at the helicopters and you ask me to go up there with you. You made my entire week. Maybe even month. I will never forget the way you asked me. We walk up there and just talk again. I'm probably one of the only eighth graders there and I wasn't supposed to be. I passed as a seventh grader though. Soon you had to go and I walked all the way up to the door with you. We said goodbye and it was done. I catch up to Shelby and she told me what you and her talked about when I was gone. She said you asked where I was. I heard that and I almost cried. You cared, but with that Shelby wasn't done. She asked you if you were moving as if I didn't know and she said that you just looked down with the saddest face in the world and said yes. I do admit, I teared up with that. You really amazed me.
Not a week has passed since I have known about the move. It feels like I found out yesterday just as much as it feels like I have known for a year. We were becoming close. Right as your about to slip away again. I can't let it happen. I don't want to watch you go. I have no clue when your last day is. If I have to say goodbye to you I will probably cry. Just like I am crying as I type this right now.
I don't want you to leave again Connor.