My dear Thanatos. It's been a long time since we've spoken, and the last time it was about you leaving. I have to admit, like I did that day, that I didn't want you leave. You were always interesting to me, you always had some snide remark to make that I enjoyed thoroughly. I question myself often as to why I even liked your harsh personality. Perhaps it was because, like the idiot I am, I wanted to prove there was some good inside you. I remember you saying that you finally cared about me, in some way, and I felt so accomplished. Really, I didn't do much. I just cared back.
I'm doing the same with your friend, X. You told me to take good care of him, and I'm trying. Now that I think about it, I haven't been trying very hard since I actually forgot you said that until right now while writing this. I suppose it's a reminder to me that he may help others, but I'm his caretaker. Everyone needs someone to love them, the real them. Maybe that's not a fact at all and I'm just being an oblivious fool like you always knew I was, but I believe that we all need love. Even you.
I still love you, wherever you went. You're always going to be a person to me; a figure that I care about deeply. I'm coming to terms with the idea that you may be gone forever even though I know it's ridiculous since you live forever inside X - if that is where you went. Still, I'm always hoping I'll see you again. I did only get to see you once, and even that was when you were hidden. You gave me a hug, and I swear it was totally different than the person you were pretending to be. You listened to my heart, and I hope that you remember that unique beat that I've been told about. I honestly still question whether you existed or not, because I'm insane like that. Because I doubt like that.
Maybe the reason I love you is because you don't love anyone else. I know that includes me, but I can still hope it doesn't. I can still hope that you were lying to me. Something inside me believes that I'm right, but you've proved how wrong I can truly be. I should thank you for that because you showed me how to learn from losing. So thanks.
Thanks for being here, for dealing with me. For caring.