Most people think becoming a teenager means thinking you're all grown up, arguing with your parents and dating. But for me, it meant something else. It meant . . . love. When I entered the eighth grade, I met someone who changed my life forever in every way. This person was the best thing in my life. He meant the world to me. But I messed it all up. I lost him forever. Now every night before bed, I think about what my life would be like today, had I not messed up what I had. Want to know something stupid? We never even dated. But I think I met the love of my life. Why didn't I tell him? Why didn't I let him know how much he meant to me? I'll never understand and I'll never know. But what I do know is that it was a mistake letting him go.
Today is one of the worst days I've had. I keep remembering my best friend, my first love. My first lost love. All I know is, I miss him. His name is Saxson. Saxson was one of the best people you'll ever meet. He was the kindest, most adorable, sweetest person. He wasn't down with all the drama, problems, and lies. He stayed as far away from all that as he could. Saxson was a great person. He protected what he loved, and stood up for what he believed in. He was everything anyone could ever ask for. He was an angel, a little piece of heaven, and the type of person you'll only meet once in a lifetime. He was the most trustworthy, beautiful, and greatest person. I truly loved him.
Saxson had a terrible case of asthma. He had an asthma attack at least 10-17 times a week! It was totally random and he never knew when it would happen. He passed away on Thursday, February 26, 2009. Saxson will be greatly missed by everyone who knew him. He is still here in my heart, and in everyone's heart. Saxson will never be forgotten. One day when my time comes, I'll meet him again in heaven. I believe he will be there at heaven's gate, waiting to open it for me. Again, if this isn't already obvious, I love him. This next part is to Saxson personally, I know he can't read it, but it means a lot for me to write this.
I love you. I love everything you stood for. You were absolutely amazing. I know you're up there looking down on me, hopefully seeing this letter. I just want you to know that you meant the world to me. Had it came down to it, it would have been me and you against the world till the end. (Forever and Always Bae!) I truly regret not making it clear to you about how much you truly meant to me. You didn't come CLOSE to any of the other boys I used to hang with. Matter of fact, you don't come close to the boys I hang with right now. Your spirit is here with me. Whenever I'm getting ready for bed, I look down at that paper we had from the summer before you left us forever. In case you don't remember what it said, here's a reminder. It had all of our names on it. Me, You, Whitney, Lexus, Rea'sha, Tinka, Cameron, Deont'Aye, Re'Osha, and DooDoo. I kept it because it meant a lot, knowing your name was on it. That's just how much I loved you. Saxson, I have to go now.. But I love you and miss you. That's Forever and Always Bae. Please don't forget that. Remember our little clique? It was just the 10 of us. Well, bye for now, Bae. Talk to you when I get up there!
Please remember it took a lot for me to even write this. I'm so emotionally stuck on him. It's hard for me to let go of him. I know he's gone, but he was one of the few people in the world at that time that I could talk to and trust. I love Saxson. If only I could have told him while he was here. If anyone else here on Whyville is going through something like this, where you're scared or too shy to tell the person you love the way you feel about him or her . . . please use this as an example as to why you should always follow your heart and do what you need to do. If that person doesn't feel the same way about you, then oh well, there will be someone else! Here's a quote for you guys: "Girls (and GUYS) are like buses. Miss one and there's 15 more coming."
Author's Note: Shout out to Nicenfun for helping me with my grammar mistakes and things of that nature. She revised it for me. This was a life lesson for me. Hopefully I just opened a door for more people to share their stories. I have to thank Dani (FunkChik1 & FunkChik2). He opened up a door for me after reading his story "I Love You". It inspired me to go ahead and share my story. Live long and love lots! Willow.