Author's Note: Hi, I'm PureLover. The following is a letter I wish my big sister could read.
Dear Big Sister,
You like my friends. You like the people that aren't my friends, too, but they're in my grade. Sometimes you hang out with them, but you get frustrated when I come. You have friends in your grade, too, but that part doesn't bother me. Sometimes I think you like my friends more than me . . . often times. You brag about how cool they are, but when I come with you and your friends, you all call me "lame". Why am I lame? Is it because you want to be cool, or do you really think that? I don't know anymore.
Sometimes I want to cry because you make fun of me. When we were younger, we were best friends. You liked me then, why not now? We have pictures together and we looked like twins then. But later, you started figuring out more about makeup. Now you don't look the same. Only our noses look similar. You used to giggle when people told you we must be twins, but now you gag. Sometimes you say, "Please!" Something like that. Do you know that hurts my feelings? Am I ugly? You look older than me, but that's supposed to happen. It's not my fault I was made the younger sister, what if I was the big sister? How would you feel if I didn't like you?
Your friends make fun of me but you don't care. Sometimes you laugh and agree, but I think you're just trying to be cool. You are, right? It used to not matter, I used to think it was weird to want your big sister to love you. But now, I don't care. I wish you still liked me. We don't argue a lot, do we? No. We don't talk. My friends have pictures with their big sisters, and they always say something that has to do with them being sisters forever. We'll be sisters forever, but will that be by choice or just blood? Sometimes when I tag along, you tell me you're going back home to get something, but you don't come back.
You never brag about me or tell me how cool I am. You don't even laugh at the things I say like you do my friends. They spend more time with you than with me. Do I have friends? They make fun of me, too. When people come over to talk, it always ends up about you. No one ever talks about me. My opinion is neither required nor desired. Sometimes, I still say what I want to about the subject, and people nod their heads and strike up a different conversation. I don't think they like me, either.
Yeah, I'm shy. You're not. A lot of boys are your friends, but boys tell me I'm gross. You're ashamed to have me around your boy friends . . . Your friends are nice to me. I don't see them much, though. I surround myself with animals. Why? Because they accept me and love me more than anyone else. I told them a secret. If I told you, would you think I'm awkward?
In conclusion, I wish you didn't make me feel like I do. Sometimes I get crazy thoughts. I just want to fit in with you. Why don't you like it when I come with you and your friends? I could help you one day, I could give you directions when you get lost. You'd probably like to be lost, somewhere without me. You just changed your email status. We went somewhere earlier, I thought we had fun. You included everybody that was up there, even their little sisters! But you didn't include me in it . . . I was there, too. I didn't dance and stuff, but I talked to you guys. Not that you really replied . . . Are you embarrassed of me?
You're my best friend. I wish I were yours . . .
Author's Note: Big sisters, can you love your little sisters? Maybe they feel like I do . . .