In Geometry class, a girl sitting next to me got a paper cut. "Ow!" she said. I envy her.
Someone else complains about how cold the room is. I envy them, too.
In all 15 years of my life, I have never once felt physical pain. I have never felt the chill of a winter day, the heat of the summer.
I bit off the tip of my tongue twice before the age of six. I broke my leg and hobbled around on it without realizing it was broken. When I was seven, I collapsed from heat stroke. My body cannot sweat because it cannot detect temperature.
When I was younger, I was required to wear a helmet on the playground. Before I ate/drank a hot meal or drink , a few ice cubes would be dropped in to avoid the dilemma of me burning myself.
Kids used to trip or hit me and laughed when I simply ignored them because I couldn't feel it. It hurt inside, though.
Even now, I am not allowed to play sports at my school. I'm in the doctor's office at least once a week, if not twice.
People seem to have the notion that I am somehow lucky because I cannot feel pain. I don't feel lucky at all, rather, I don't even feel human sometimes.
I feel wooden, like Pinocchio.
But Pinocchio became a human, didn't he? I will never feel the sensations that others feel.
I don't get bullied or teased at school anymore, but I am treated as if I carry a highly contagious disease. People take extra care not to bump into me in the hallway.
I contemplated suicide once or twice. It would be so easy, wouldn't it? I wouldn't be in the doctor's office once a week anymore. I wouldn't be a burden to my parents.
But after the death of my sister, I decided that it would hurt my family and friends too much. So I choose to live.
Most people with my condition don't live very long, maybe to around the age of 25-30. They usually die of hypothermia because of the body's inability to sweat. I don't expect much in life.
But every winter as it begins to snow, I still stand outside and wait for the first snowflake on my hand. Hoping, that for once, I could feel it.
