www.whyville.net Mar 25, 2012 Weekly Issue

Veteran Times Writer

The Art of Anti-Jokes

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Everyone once and a while, you hear a really good joke. It has the perfect punchline, a flawless execution, and overall, is remarkable. As you continue through your life as usual after hearing the joke, you may notice the joke being told elsewhere. You may even be one of the way it gets spread around. Either way, the joke eventually becomes old and everyone in one way or another has heard of it. This is when the joke should be politely put to rest - but no - there's always that one kid who keeps telling the joke to the point where you may find yourself plotting his or her "accidental murder." If this is where you're at right now, I have come to tell you the exceedingly great news that you can put away that imaginary mace and donate the next five minutes or your life to the outstanding cause of making your joke-related future a whole lot brighter. I am here today to inform you about the surefire way to get back at that darn kid, and that way is mastering the art of anti-jokes.

Founded in about 2011 A.D., anti-jokes have been rumored to have started in numerous ways. One of the most popular theories out there is that there once was a young child who attempted to tell a class knock-knock joke, but messed up so horrifically it was humorous. The child then realized he had a gift for failing joke-telling, and created the art of anti-jokes. Another theory out there is that while digging for fossils on a dinosaur-hunting exploration that was to be aired on Discovery Channel, Russian archaeologist Sekoj Inta IV stumbled upon bizarre hieroglyphics that were later translated into the very anti-jokes that you hear today.

Oh - but what is this? You haven't heard of an anti-joke? Though I am severally disappointed in you, I will further explain. An anti-joke is a spin-off of a classic joke, where the alternate punchline is changed in such a way it ends up being more humorous than the original. An anti-joke can also be a joke that is so ridiculous, it's funny.

Now that you know what an anti-joke is, you must be prepared to track down that annoying joke-killing kid and shove your anti artwork down his throat, right?


Anti-jokes, like all good things, have been taken so far that they can be unfunny or even hurtful. Though it pains me to say so, anti-jokes can sometimes be insulting, or, in all honesty, downright stupid. (And no, not funny stupid, just plain stupid.)

But never fear! I have not only come to tell you the origin and purpose of anti-jokes, but have also come to inform you on the types of anti-jokes floating around the world wide web, and whether you should pass them along or not.

The Classic Joke-Slayer

First up is one of the most powerful types of anti-jokes out there. A classic joke-slaying anti-joke usually starts with "knock knock", "why did the chicken cross the road", or "a ____ walks into a bar". Classic joke-starting ways like the previously mentioned are quite overused, and even if the jokes end up having creative punchlines, they are still too common. Some ways to "antlify these jokes are as mentioned:

"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Sorry, I don't know anyone by that name, please leave."


A horse walks into a bar. Many people leave after spotting the potential danger of the situation.


How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?



Long, Intellectually Answered Anti-Jokes

Another popular type of anti-joke is one where you can make a stupid joke funny by giving an extremely in depth, logical answer that spoils the joke entirely. It's a great way to ruin the jokes of children, too.

Examples of this would be:

"Your momma's so fat she is at risk of cardiovascular disease and type two diabetes."

"What do you get when you cross a duck and a pig? A media circus that focuses on the morals and ethics of genetic engineering."

So sad and unfortunate, they're funny.

One of my personal favorite types of anti-jokes are the ones that have such a tragic, unhappy ending, they're funny, such as:

"Knock, Knock."
"Who's there?"
"Dave who?"
"Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him."

"A man walks into a bar, he is an alcoholic and ruining his family."
"A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, 'Why the long face?' The horse replies, 'My wife is dying of terminal cancer.'"

So Ridiculous They're Funny

The last main type of anti-joke out there is the type that is so random, so bizarre, so "out-there" and so strange, they're funny.

Examples may be:

"Why did the boy cry?"

"He had a frog stapled to his face."


"Why did Suzie fall off the swing?"

"She had no arms."

What NOT To Do

*Enters serious mode*

When composing or repeating an anti-joke, make sure you don't poke fun at something that could potentially hurt or upset a person. When creating an anti-joke, make sure you stay away from jokes that involve religious and racial slamming and/or humor. These can end up getting you in trouble or on someone's bad side. Stay away from these. (Or else I'll nail your clothing to a tree stump and throw onions at you.)

*Exits seriousness*

Well, now you have it! You should now be fully prepared to face that joke-killer and show him or her who's boss. Who knows - word might go around about your encounter and everyone will know how epic your joke-telling skills are. Then, you will become the most popular kid in school, be lifted up on the shoulders of your classmates, and be praised for time and all eternity as the best joke telling soul to ever walk the earth.

No need to thank me.

Author's Note: Source: www.anti-joke.com


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