www.whyville.net May 27, 2012 Weekly Issue

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The Green Eyed Monster

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The definition of jealousy: Feeling or showing suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship.

I wanted to know why people get jealous. What is jealousy? It's such a strong drive in so many people, but what is the root of it? Is it rational? And so on and so forth.

I interviewed Loilyfob, Babypowdr, Dxdxdxdx, and a mysterious shadowy figure who wanted to remain anonymous, so I called it Helgor because that name sounds like a viking with a sword.

Antier: Why do you get jealous?

loilyfob: Jealousy, for me at least, comes down to feeling like I don't do enough. If my boyfriend can flirt with a big breasted bimbo with a barely acceptable IQ then what am I really bringing to the table? Obviously, certain contexts make this way of thinking a little ridiculous, but everyone feels inadequate sometimes.
babypowdr: I guess it comes from my own insecurities that I am not good enough, and I so very badly want to be the only one in his mind. I mean, I know he doesn't always know when he's hitting on other girls, and he definitely hardly notices the girls coming onto him and then he gets mad at me that I am making a big deal out of it (usually I am not, merely laughing he's so socially inept as to not notice). I am his first "real" girlfriend and I just kinda, wanna always be the only one. Which I must admit isn't exactly fair considering he's my second boyfriend.
helgor: I get jealous when someone has something that I want and I feel they don't deserve it. Another person flirting with my boy/girlfriend doesn't make me jealous because I'm still the one dating him/her, there isn't anything to be jealous of. Hypothetical situations, like the thought of my boy/girlfriend cheating don't make me jealous because they haven't happened.
dxdxdxdx: To be honest, I don't know why I get jealous. Sometimes I think it's because I'm very insecure about myself. I don't like my personality, or my appearance, and I feel like someone is always going to find someone better than me. It's a huge flaw of mine, and I'm working on changing that.

Antier: Is jealousy because you're afraid he's going to leave you?

loilyfob: Maybe. Maybe not. It stems from me feeling that he can see things in other people that he realizes I don't have. That can lead to a breakup.
babypowdr: Yes. Mostly. Because again, I feel like it's some rare miracle that I am even with him in the first place cause I am an ugly fat bog wench and we have nothing real in common. Not even music taste really . . . and like. I know he loves me, but he's really weird about commitment. It's a really long story.
helgor: No, I'm not afraid of being dumped. If I were, the fear of being broken up with would stem from problems in our relationship itself, not external factors like flirting.
dxdxdxdx: I'm always afraid of that, just because I feel so insignificant compared to other people.

Antier: What if you're not afraid he's going to leave you? Would you still be jealous?

loilyfob: A tad of jealousy is normal and, hell, even a little healthy. Me and my partner have a mutual feeling of trust towards each other, but we have both been even the slightest bit irrational because of jealousy. Before I moved out of the city, I had all the guy friends I grew up with basically a few houses away from me, so I saw them all the time. Him seeing us being chummy made him a little green, which I get. If we're out, he's an attractive guy and girls flirt, so yeah I get jealous. But I don't think it's ever gotten so deep that we think "OH GOD THEY'RE GONNA LEAVE ME".
babypowdr: Yes. Because I am selfish and really insecure. I don't like when I feel like there is a comparison to something better and me happening.
helgor: No. Why would I be? There's nothing to be jealous of. I've still got the guy/girl and have no fear that that will change, nor that my boy/girlfriend would reciprocate another person's advances.
dxdxdxdx: Probably, yeah.

Antier: And if he is capable of leaving you because he finds another girl, would you really want to stay in that relationship in the first place?

loilyfob: I'm human and certainly not asexual. So I gotta take that risk.
babypowdr: No, to be honest. But that wouldn't make it hurt any less.
helgor: If that were the case, no, I wouldn't. If I'm truly not the one he/she wants, staying in the relationship would be settling and of no benefit to either of us.
dxdxdxdx: Not really. But, even if they don't intend to find someone else, I'm really still just jealous in nature.

Antier: Is your jealousy rational? If not, do you want it to be?

loilyfob: To me, it is. When I see it in others, it's not. But that's because I'm an insecure hypocrite.
babypowdr: Usually, I think. But probably not all the time, no.
helgor: I'd like to think it is. If I realize myself getting jealous over something, I try to think about why I feel that way, if it makes sense, and if I'm doing myself or anyone harm by being jealous.
dxdxdxdx: I think it's rational as long as it's not taken too far, such as threats.

Antier: Are you content with how jealous you get, now?

loilyfob: I'm not what they label "crazy", so yeah; pretty pleased.
babypowdr: Yes, because I know I am not overbearing about it. I only say something if it's going beyond an acceptable limit. But for the most part it is livable and I am not clingy and crying to him about it all the time.
Part of dating a good looking hipster boy is having hipster girls be like O.M.Geee. and even though you hafta fight them off with sticks at times it is mostly harmless. And like to be completely honest I am a huge flirty problem myself. My boyfriend often gets mad at me for accepting drinks when we are out, or being "too nice" to creepers. This is another huge story, but like since it goes both ways and we can openly talk about it, I think at the end of the day everything is balanced.
helgor: It hasn't been a problem, so I guess so.
dxdxdxdx: No. I wish I could change it.

Do you get jealous? Why do you get jealous? Is this based off evolutionary principles or a social construct? Can we surpass jealousy? Is jealousy a good thing to have, or damaging? Does it makes sense? Is it possible for somebody to experience no jealousy at all?

What do you think? Tell me in the BBS.



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