www.whyville.net May 27, 2012 Weekly Issue

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Diary of a Crushing Teen Girl: Part 4

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Dear ______,

There are eleven days left until you graduate.

These last six months went by a lot faster than I ever thought they would have. And I didn't get as far as I'd hoped I would. We're still just friends. We're still just buddies.

But I want to change that once and for all.

For three years, I've been silent. I've watched a few girls look at you with those doe eyes. I've watched you shine and win and be downright amazing. I've been so proud of you. So proud to know you. To be able to say "Yes, that's one of my good friends."

I don't want to be silent anymore.

I guess this has been brewing for quite some time. But I must say that these past weeks have really put me to the test. And I'm at my tipping point. I feel like I'll explode if I don't do or say something soon.

All along, it was never my cosine companion from PreCal that I had to worry about. It was actually one of your friends that has had a crush on you for a while. And though I know you never returned those feelings, it still hurt to realize that there really was another girl, another threat, looming so close for so long.

Yet I could not hate her. How could I? I was -- I am -- in the exact same position as her. Except she got to lay her head on your shoulder while you held her in your arms during slow songs all night. She got farther than I ever have or will.

Sure, you kissed me. But never on the lips. Sure, you danced with me, but never slowly.

It drives me crazy, the things you do. Do you do all that crap just to tease me? Do you think I wouldn't think about all those things all night every night? See, the trouble with girls, my friend, is that they count every instance that you kissed them. They remember every time that you asked them on a date or complimented them. When you say you'd do anything for her, she wonders if your serious or not. If you mean something, make sure she knows it. Otherwise, she might never know.

I don't know if we'll have this summer at all. I know we might have some days. But nothing is guaranteed.

That's why I have to speak up.

I know you're going off to college soon. And I don't want to complicate things by professing my crazy high school feelings for you. But I have to speak now or forever hold my peace. My friends say I'll regret it if I don't say anything, always thinking about what could have been, would have been, should have been. And I agree.

I can't stand here any longer taking your kisses that may or may not mean anything. I can't keep sitting here listening to you ask me on dates and wondering if I really hear that undercurrent of true curiosity and hope in your voice when you ask.

So next time you kiss me, I'll kiss you back.

Next time we hug, I won't be the first to pull away like I always do because I don't want to seem desperate or let you know my feelings because you might not like me back.

Next time you ask me on a date, I'll say, "Yes, of course."

Next time I see you, I might just tell you how I feel.



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