I like to think that you needed me as much as I needed you. Looking back now, I see that isn't the case. I am not whole without you. Instead of you and me, it's just me.
I am sitting at our old elementary school's playground, on the white bridge where you were sitting next to me just last week. I can still feel you breathing next to me. I can hear your contagious laugh echoing in my mind. As I remember your smile and how you looked at me that day, I smile.
I replay the scene in my mind constantly. We were standing by the bridge on the sand colored bark. My back was against a cold, red pole on the playground. The weather was unusual in June, instead of the heat we had the week before, it seemed like a day in March. You were standing a foot away from me. Your little brother and my little sister were playing on the slide and their voices were easily heard. You stepped closer to me. You with your lips inches from mine. Your emerald eyes shining as they keep the eye contact between us. My breathing became uneven once my mind noticed the closing space in between us. Then you smiled, knowing that you caught me off guard and whispered, "I'll talk to you later." Then you slowly backed away.
You stepped closer again. Your arms started to open up. My mind was racing. What did you want? Did you want to hug me? Did you just try to kiss me? I awkwardly stepped closer and grabbed your arm. You noticed and smiled. You then started to mumble something about having to go and finish packing. You and your brother then left.
You waved and smiled as you biked away until you were gone from my view. I received a text message from you the second I couldn't see you anymore.
I stood there for minutes, comprehending what had just toke place. My body felt cold as it noticed you were no longer next to me. My mind was racing. My fingers were craving your touch. My arms were aching to be around you. For the first time, my lips wanted to be on someone's, specifically yours.
As I replay the scene again, I imagine me closing the space when your lips were inches from mine. I imagine you kissing me senseless; making my toes curl and causing every scientific law to crash into a black hole underneath me. I imagine your strong hands cupping my face and my fingers running through your gorgeous, dark blonde hair. I imagine your hands place themselves on my waist and my back finds itself closer to the pole. I imagine you breaking away your lips from mine slowly and smiling so wide. I imagine me pulling you back for one last kiss.
I imagine that as I stare off into the grassy field. The memory of us dancing slowly in the hot, church gym floods into my mind. I felt you so close to me as we kept the slow beat to the song. The lyrics spoke to my heart as the world around us ceased to exist. I could feel every move that you made.
Memories of you being superman come into my mind. The times you stopped my tears before they could flow. The times you grabbed my hand and led me back into the straight and narrow. Every comforting word you spoke to my troubled soul still helps me. It reminds me of who I will be, not my past.
You said you wouldn't be gone long, only a month. You said you would try to write.
But I need you back, Superman.
Because I only have memories of us.