I haven't seen you in a few days, but those days seem like years. The few days that have passed have made my mind and body age. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, pushing me down to the earth. The last time I saw your loving face pierces my mind. The pain of me watching you slowly drifting apart from me causes me to toss and turn at night, wishing things would change. Wishing everything was back to the way it was, just a week ago.
I am still getting along without you here, just barely. I am dragging my feet across the ground as I go about my day. When I saw your letter in my journal this morning, the one I got in the mail a month ago, my eyes swelled up with tears. I ran my fingers along your handwriting, taking in the memory. I reread your last words over and over. You told me you missed me in the letter. You sent that letter when you were gone. You are back now, I guess you don't miss me anymore.
Everything I know about life, is because of you. Anywhere I go, something reminds me of you. Life is pushing me down and stomping its feet all over me, but it will not snatch away my love for you. The attachment I have for you is so deep in my heart that it will take years to go away. My heart calls out for you, but all I get is a voice mail from yours. It breaks my heart to experience this, but not enough to take my love for you away.
I am sitting on my bedroom floor, writing words to you that you will never see, noticing that I am on this road in my life alone now. Before it was me and you, taking on the world one step at a time and lifting each other up when one fell down. Or grabbing the other when they stepped off the road, to explore the dark forest and got lost, trying to find their way back onto the road.
I think about you all the time. I wonder how you are doing, hoping that your life is everything you hoped it would be. I pray to God, pleading to send an angel to watch over you. Think about you right before I fall asleep, hoping that when I wake up in the morning things will become how they used to be.
I dream about you every night, about how we could become closer again. Maybe if I showed you how many times I wrote about you, you would realize I really do care and I didn't mean to hurt you, if I did. Maybe if I wrote you a song, you would listen to it, finding out my feelings. Maybe if I took you aside and expressed my feelings you would listen and this distance between us would be a thing of the past.
But for right now, I am here without you.
Author's Note: This article was inspired by the song, 'Here Without You' by 3 Doors Down. They put what I am feeling into music.