My mind cannot wrap around this.
You can't be gone.
You shouldn't be gone.
We were the best of friends, practically attached to the hip. You told me everything. I know everything bad thing you've done and you know mine. I know how scared you are for the future. I know that you want to be a neurosurgeon when you grow up. I know that you believe no girl will ever fall in love with you. I have even seen you cry.
I told you everything about me. You know every bad thing I have ever done in my life. You know how terrified I am about my future. You know that my biggest want in life is to someday be a mother, of course when the time is right. You know that I believe that no guy will ever fall in love with me. You have seen me cry.
You pinky-swore to me that you would never leave. You promised me you would never hurt me. You said that you would always be my best friend. You promised that you'd never stop talking to me. Do you remember when those comforting words escaped your lips?
Then why am I being left in the cold? I am standing in the pouring rain, wearing the polka dotted dress that you like. My hair is soaking up the water and my mascara is running down my cheeks. The bitter wind is slapping my bare arms because of the short sleeves I am wearing. Goosebumps are over taking my legs as I am watching your tall figure walk away through my tears.
I thought you were an trustworthy young man. After all you did promise me these things. But all you do is walk away, leaving me more of a mess then when you first found me.
Maybe you finally realized that I am not worth your time. That's why you left. I always wondered why you spent your time with a messed up girl like me. You were always picking up my pieces and putting them back together with your kind and gentle words.
Was I not a good enough friend to you? Trust me. I'll change my ways. I'll cancel the plans I already have if you want to do something. I'll answer your texts right away. I'll answer your phone calls on the first ring. I'll bake you cookies each Sunday and bring them to your door. Just say the word and I will.
Was I not pretty enough for you? I swear, I'll wear my makeup differently. I'll straighten my hair more often. I'll even color it blonde, red or black. I'll lose weight. I'll gain weight. I'll wear heels more often. I'll wear dresses more than I already do. I'll get a tan. Just say the word and I will.
Was I not clingy enough? I'll call you every hour. I'll hang on to your arm. I'll always be right next to you. I'll text you five times every time you don't reply for more than a minute. I'll throw a fit every time you don't talk to me. Just say the word and I will.
Was I too clingy? I'll stop answering your texts. I'll ignore your calls. I'll avoid you. I won't talk to you. Just say the word and I will.
Was I too shy, too quiet? I promise; I'll change. I'll be more loud, more annoying. I'll talk to everyone in the room no matter how shaky my legs feel and how rapid my breathing gets. Just say the word and I will.
Was I not shy enough? I'll turn more into a introvert than I already am. I won't talk to any other boy. Heck, I won't talk to anyone else. I'll sit in a corner and read my books until you come over and talk to me. Just say the word and I will.
I want you to come back. I don't care what it takes. I don't care if people say I am overreacting or to attached. They just don't get me. They don't get you. They don't understand us. They didn't see how you transformed me into the young woman I am now. They didn't watch you change from a native, struggling twelve year old boy who didn't talk to a single soul to a handsome, strong and kind fifteen year old young man who brightens up the room whenever he walks into with his quick smile and bubbly eyes. They didn't watch your self esteem grow and see when you discovered your self worth. They don't understand how you saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life. They didn't watch those tragic moments pass as you coaxed me out of stupid decisions. They didn't feel your caring heart like I did. They haven't experienced our kind of friendship.
Don't you see me begging on my knees? My hands are clasped tight and pleading with you to stay with tears in my eyes. You look at me with your dazzling eyes that made me start to fall for you. I watch your eyes search my soul, wondering if the words that are escaping my mouth or true. Honey, yes they are! I follow your gaze as you look at me, up and down. Your eyes say that you are moving on, but don't want to. You turn around. I grab your right hand. You grab my left. You look into my eyes. Your precious lips whisper the dreaded words of goodbye. I watch you turn away.
My mind can't wrap around this.
You can't be gone.
You shouldn't be gone.