im so sick of trying
im tired of the strive
the rejection is killing me
its eating me alive
i could try as hard as possible
try to be a winner
to make up for my past of losses
so painful to remember
but every time i almost make it
every time im close
its like im right there in the moment
yet limpid like a ghost
it hurts so very bad inside
to know that i have failed
the anger rips apart my brain
like a train that's been derailed
im filled with sadness that erupts
into frustrated tears
its as if they ask who wants to hurt
and I gladly volunteer
it'd be silly if i didnt try
and did not give an effort
but simply wanted for my friends
to give me sorry rapport
but no- i try- i really do
ive never tried so hard
i plow through snow and fight through rain
i go the extra yard
all i do is work work work
starve starve starve starve starve
and in my dizzy, weeping brain
i sit there and i carve
out the plans so i can be
the person that i want from me
its disgusting but its true
im simply pathetic
and even though i know its dumb
i act this dramatic
because even though i know its wrong
theres no way for me to win
because even though i try so hard
i will never feel thin
