www.whyville.net Jan 6, 2013 Weekly Issue

The Dexter Way: Breaking Up

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What's crackin' guys! I know, I know, it's been a while. But I've got a good excuse . . .

I don't like being around you guys for long periods of time. Did you see that transition? That is one of the keys to successfully dumping your girlfriend! Now before you stop reading this article and say "I don't want to dump my girlfriend," just stop and think for a minute. Is she really that great? Don't you think she is just slowin' you down? Now that I've convinced you that you don't need love, here are some tips to finish your relationship.

If you don't want to crush your lovers heart in one single blow, you can slowly prepare her for the agonizing breakup that is to come. Throughout the weeks prior to your breakup, drop some hints that you're losing interest. When she asks for help, or your opinion, let her hear what she doesn't want to hear.

This will make your girlfriend extremely upset, and she will most likely not talk to you for a couple of days. Since you two are already on bad terms, this will give you a great opportunity to end it. The most common breakup line would be the classic "It's not you, it's me." But this gives your girlfriend a false sense of hope, she will believe that you need to fix yourself up, and then you'll be ready to get back together. Make sure to finish the phrase with your true meaning

Another way of breaking up with your girlfriend is using excuses to make them feel better. Many of these excuses will be lies, but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

If you want to end it in a classy way, write a poem about the break up or why you want to end the relationship. This way she will be half sad, half impressed. That's how I like to leave a girl.

If your poem skills aren't up to par, you can try something easier like a haiku.

And that's it folks! The best and most effective ways of dumping your not-so-loved ones!

- Dexter


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