When do you know when to say goodbye?
At what point is it okay to realize that the friendship you once had is now gone - if it ever existed?
I stand in the high school parking out. I watch cars slowly drive past me, cars filled with budding memories and vanilla espressos. My mind travels back to a time where my hair flowed carelessly in the wind and his laughed echoed through my mind. The moments where we had laughed so hard we would clench our hands against our aching bellies. The time where, I swear, time had stopped. When our souls were walking naked and our eyes couldn't look away.
My eyes swell as regrets drip down my cheeks. The time I should have kept my mouth shut about what I truly thought, thinking I was right. That April afternoon where, in a moment, my heartbeat was in line with yours. Just a couple of 15 year olds, thinking they knew what love was. That November evening when I should have been by your side when my storm clouds entered into your life. That chilly, June morning where I should have listened, realizing that silence is okay.
I tell all about my awesome friend. I would talk for hours on end about my friend; you. I giggled at how adorable and sweet you were. I grinned at memories as I retold them, yet again to my friends. I gave praise to God for blessing me with the friendship I had with you.
Now, I curse God for placing you in my life. I cry your name out and numb the pain at the expense of my blood sugar. I change my hair. Create a new me.
But the truth is, I never lost you.
Because I never got you.
