www.whyville.net Jan 12, 2014 Weekly Issue

Bagged Milk: Udderly Debatable

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Right on the hooves of National Milk Day, a certain topic has ferociously moo-ved Whyville citizens: bagged milk. The conflict has turned into the ultimate Canadian vs. American battle, with Canadians defending the workings of this unique method of packaging and Americans generally replying with their confusion or disgust. To really capture the essence of this longstanding feud, Xoxkitkat interviewed a few American Whyvillians about their opinions on the foreign contraption, while Bibi4evr gave a similar chance to the neighbors up north.

xoxkitkat: Being American, when did you first learn about Canada offering bagged milk as an alternative to cartons or jugs?

BanjoMann: Well man, I had heard of bagged milk like a couple years ago, but like in the last few weeks is when I really got to thinkin' about it.
Monet1616: I want to say sometime during 2013.
Rex13: I've never heard of bagged milk before in my life.
jts2000: I think it was like 3 weeks ago.

xoxkitkat: What do you suppose the benefits are of buying milk in cartons as opposed to bags?

BanjoMann: Well man, you don't have to have a separate cup or whatever, you can just drink straight out of the carton like a total macho man. If you get a big jug of it, you can put the top back on it, which you can?t do with a bag.
Monet1616: It's easier to store an open carton than to store an open bag, and it's easier to pour milk from a carton.
Rex13: The only real benefit of buying milk in a carton, rather than a bag, would be the strength of the carton compared to the bag. I can only imagine that the bag can't be too strong.
jts2000: You can actually drink it from the carton. It would also be much easier to pour and wouldn't explode if your cat attacked it (Thank you to whoever said that in BBS. It's a great point). Also, you don't need to go through the hassle of snipping the corner without it spilling and putting it in a pitcher. What's the point of it being in a bag if you just have to put it in a different container? Cartons you don't need to do anything to except open the cap.

xoxkitkat: On the contrary, what are the benefits you think bagged milk could offer that cartons could not?

BanjoMann: Hmm, over cartons? I can't really think of anything but maybe they take up less real estate on the shelves. Now advantages over milk in jugs, I guess it uses less plastic. That really isn't an advantage to me, but some people are worried about that stuff, ya know.
Monet1616: I don't even know. Bagged milk sounds terrifying. What if someone pokes a hoIe in it???
Rex13: I don't really see any benefit to having milk bagged rather than in a carton. Both are plastic so that sort of erases the idea of less plastic being involved.
jts2000: It's probably cheaper and would be good to prank people with by putting it under couch cushions.

xoxkitkat: Do you think the option of bagged milk will ever catch on in America? Why or why not?

BanjoMann: No I don'man, for the simple fact that Americans do not like change. And that any sort of liquid in a bag just doesn't make sense.
Monet1616: I don't think it will. Based on conversations I've had, the popular opinion is "What is a bag of milk what does one do with it?".
Rex13: I do not think American's will ever drink milk from a bag. Americans are leaders, not followers.
jts2000: Dear God, I hope not. If it does I am moving to some other country. Cartoned milk is much more convenient and is actually normal, unlike bagged weirdo milk.

xoxkitkat: If you were given the opportunity to choose between buying milk in bags or cartons, what would you choose and why?

BanjoMann: Cartons. Duh. Because it's logical. It makes the most sense. Bags are for goldfish and blood, not to drink out of.
Monet1616: In terms of practicality, I'd buy cartons of milk. It seems easier to use. However, for laughs, I would buy bagged milk to show off.
Rex13: Carton because I'm not a huge fan of change. Plus milk being in a bag sounds ridiculous. It would be a nightmare to pour.
jts2000: CARTONS ALL THE WAY! Bagged milk is for the strange Canadians aka Pengwhen, Delp. Cartons also have many more pros than cons.

After the Americans gave their opinions, Bibi4evr took to the Canadian side to get a first-hand account on the mysteries of bagged milk.

Bibi4evr: Explain bagged milk in your own words.

cathris: It's exactly what it sounds like. Milk in a bag. Not like a shopping bag or anything, but an oval-squarish shaped, see-through bag.
Delp: Bagged milk is the single greatest thing to happen since my birth. It's where you take milk, which is awesome, and put it into a bag, which is awesome. And everyone knows that when you put together two awesome things, you only get more awesome. Then, you cut an awesome little hole in the corner of the awesome bag and pour it out!
N00RA: A lot of Americans think bagged milk is simply milk in a plastic bag, but what they don't understand is that it's an acronym. It actually stands for Buttered Abs Glory, and we often refer to this type of milk as "bagged". It tastes a lot better than the milk in America.
Pengwhen: Bagged milk is pretty self explanatory. Milk in a bag. You put the plastic bag in an open mouthed pitcher, cut the tip off the bag, and pour!

Bibi4evr: When did you hear about milk cartons and what are your thoughts on them?

cathris: I've always known about them! Canada isn't just some strict milk bags only country, the cartons of milk are generally sold right beside the bagged stuff. I don't really see a difference between them, it's still milk!!
Delp: Well, we have a lot of milk cartons in Canada. I use them if I want only one litre of milk, or if I want chocolate milk. That being said, I think cartons get really gross really fast. All the milk builds up in the spout and it's disgusting. The milk also tastes too much like the carton.
N00RA: I first heard about milk cartons when I visited Buffalo and asked for some Bagged Abs Glory milk and just received an ugly, teared carton that looks like some students used their homework paper to make. It tasted disgusting and because of that, I limit my discussion with Americans.
Pengwhen: Hey man, that isn't much of a foreign thing here. We have cartons of milk, but lots of people here in Ontario decide that bagged milk is more convenient and cheaper.

Bibi4evr: What are the benefits of the milk being bagged?

cathris: It's easier to see if it's really spoiled, you can see the chunks. Yum!
Delp: Bagged milk has a ton of benefits! For one, it's recyclable. The pitcher that is used to hold the milk bag can be reused with every milk bag you ever use. They're also usually less expensive because of the material you've used. I also find that bagged milk doesn't take up as much space in the fridge, which is perfect when you have a smaller fridge.
N00RA: It tastes good, we look cuter drinking it, and when you're having a bad day, you can pretend the bagged milk is someone you dislike and the straw is a knife when you're puncturing the bag.
Pengwhen: Your cereal doesn't get mushy while you're busy putting the lid back on the carton. It's easier to handle and less heavy. Any family members can't get the idea of sipping it right out of the carton.

Bibi4evr: If you could choose between bagged milk and milk cartons which would you choose and why?

cathris: Cartons. Sometimes the bagged milk shifts a little in the pitcher, and you end up with milk all over the place. Not that I'd cry over spilled milk.
Delp: I would definitely choose bagged milk. It's mostly because I grew up on it and I think it's one of the greatest ideas to exist. I think cartons make the milk taste bad, while bagged milk tastes like what milk is actually supposed to taste like.
N00RA: I would choose BAGged milk because I am a well-mannered, highly reputable woman.
Pengwhen: Bagged milk. I may be biased, but I find it so much easier.

Bibi4evr: How does bagged milk stay in its bag?

cathris: You put the whole bag in a fancy container called a "milk pitcher" or a "milk jug", and it stays in all by itself. Magic!
Delp: The same way milk stays in its carton: Gravity.
N00RA: The velocity of the sun multiplied by the index of refraction of apple juice, multiplied by sixty two and divided by the parabola of a racing car allows the electrons to--Oh, sorry...do people outside of Canada learn this stuff?
Pengwhen: The plastic is very thin and flimsy so it molds right to the pitcher you put it in. It hardly slips as every pitcher and bag are the same sizes.

Bibi4evr: And of course, a hypothetical situation inspired by Pgymygoat: what if a cat attacked the bag?

cathris: That would be a CATastrophe.
Delp: If a cat attacked the bag, you would have bigger issues to worry about asides from a ripped bag, such as why and how the cat is in the fridge.
N00RA: Canada is also famous for its beavers and polar bears, which we let "play" with the cat should it disturb the sacredness of our milk.
Pengwhen: I don't see how a cat would get in my fridge, but if a cat did happen to get in my fridge, the chances of it hitting the bag itself is thin as most of the bag is inside the plastic pitcher.

And there you have it, folks! The two sides of this udderly debatable topic. Even while an intense feud caught fire over the usage of bagged milk, it seems that we all united in our overall fondness of love to make a milk-nificent Milk Day celebration. Our Canadian friend, Pengwhen, may have even found a compromise to this milk packaging disagreement. . .

Authors' Note: Thanks to all the interviewees for their speedy replies. We wish you all a belated milk-nificent Milk Day!


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