www.whyville.net Jan 9, 2004 Weekly Issue

Times Writer

Majorly Addicting Clams!

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CLAMS! It seems that's all people care about anymore! Whyville is an educational site, not a site where you go and get addicted to clams. I am really upset at the moment, because somebody posted an ad on the airplane that said *I* was giving away clams by the hundreds, and I'm not!

I love getting Y-mail, especially encouraging ones. Today, though, I got more than 100 y-mails asking for hundreds of clams. In fact, I don't even want to read my Y-mail anymore, even if there is one encouraging one.

I am writing this article as a message to you helpless Whyvillians.

Why are you all desperate for clams!? You want a house, but who cares? You want face parts, but who cares? Everybody wants a house and face parts, but nobody can get it without clams. Those people who have houses and nice face parts probably earned their own clams. Ever think of that? There are countless articles teaching you how to raise your salary and earn clams in different ways, but you people are too lazy to read them, huh? You guys are completely dependant on other, richer Whyvillians.

I'm not talking to all of you Whyvillians, just those of you who get mad at me when I don't give you clams that somebody else promised. IT'S NOT FAIR! you cry. You say you are in desperate need of clams. Really? What is there in Whyville that you can't survive without? NOTHING! You just "really really" want them, so saying you are in desperate need is not convincing, either.

Before you Y-Mail any Whyvillian for clams or any other thing that you want for no reason at all, think about what that Whyvillian is doing or saving up for. You aren't the only one who wants that $70 hair. You aren't the only one trying to build a beautiful house. You aren't the only one who needs clams. Hundreds of people do to, including the person who they are trying to get it from.

A lot of the Whyvillians you beg from are busy with other stuff. Making face parts, raising their own salary, reading pointless Y-Mails asking for clams and doing stuff in real life like homework, cleaning up... you get my point. You know, a lot of the Whyvillians that give away clams give them away without you asking. Do we understand each other yet?

Now, I must explain that I would love to give you all hundreds of clams, if only I had enough for all of you and if only it was easier to do. But to send clams I have to get each person's name, look them up in city records, click their face, add them to my address book by sending them a Y-mail, then go to the Clam Gram place, pick who the money is for, how much, and why, and do it over and over again for everybody else. Add to that the fact that you can only send 50 clams at a time!

Is that something you want to do countless times a day? I don't think so. And neither do I. You and I have better things to do. I also need my clams for making face parts, which is one of the only reasons I even come on Whyville, besides the fact that Grenouille and Akbar are almost never there.

I am very sorry to disappoint you poor Whyvillians, but if you want to be a successful Whyvillian, all you have to do is try, by yourself. I cannot thank you enough for reading this because I really want this stuff to stop, or if not that, just cut down a lot. Thanks again.



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