Two years ago, my best friend in the world was diagnosed with leukemia. Elle
had been my next-door neighbor more than five years ago. When she moved back
to her home country of New Zealand, we were devastated.
In 2000, we went to go visit her. We had a great time, until finally we had
to leave. We were so sad, but my whole family vowed to go back.
We returned in 2003. We were very tight on money, but my mom had an instinct
telling her that we needed to go back. So we did.
This is the start of how I lost God.
The trip hadn't started out perfectly. My dad got a speeding ticket, my mom
lost her wallet (which was returned to her later, thankfully) and my sister
got lost, but we found her, too. And then we went to visit Elle.
We arrived at the train station to find Elle's grandfather waiting for us.
He told us that Elle was sick with a flu and that we should go visit her. So
we went to the hospital.
When we got there, we discovered Elle's mom standing in Elle's ward, crying.
She told us that the doctors had found out that her sickness was really leukemia.
My whole family and I burst into tears.
"You mustn't let her see you cry," she said. We wiped our tears and
walked into her room and my sister and I each gave her a big hug. We told her
how much we had missed her and how good it was to see her. She told us how much
pain she had from all the shots and things they gave her. We both had to leave
the room because we were about to cry.
The months passed, and I prayed and prayed. Nothing was happening. Eventually,
she got into remission, but a little while ago it came back and was worse then
ever. All those times I prayed, God never answered or did anything to prove
he was there.
Through my 12 years of life, I have never had, seen, or even heard, any sign
of God. I constantly ask, "Are you there? Are you listening?" and
have never had an answer.
To anyone who has asked me "Why?" here is my answer, loud and clear.