www.whyville.net May 22, 2005 Weekly Issue

Interviewing the 'Bots

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Hello Whyville, we (Cobd and Armada) thought it might be nice to interview some of the bots of Whyville to learn about their opinions of their professions.

(Authors' Note: For some of the interviews, you might understand better what they're saying if you went to the actual place mentioned. It might also help you appreciate the humour more.)

First, we shall interview Slim. He hangs around in the Smart Cars workshop.

Slim: Uh, is somebody out there...?
Cobd: Yes, it's Cobd and armada.
Armada: Can we interview you?

Slim: If you're looking for pointers on fixing up cars, you've come to the right place.
Cobd: No, we're here to interview you
Armada: He's not very cooperative, is he?

I'm the resident expert, if I may say so myself.
Armada: Slim, if you're the resident expert, why haven't you fixed that car yet? Also, do you have an upper body? And how do you go to the bathroom?

Tug on my foot and help me get out if you want to hear some Smart Cars secrets.
Cobd: Why do you never use those tools by your feet? And why, if you're underneath the car, is the hood open? And WHY DOES YOUR CAR HAVE NO SEATBELTS?

Slim: Don't mind me, I'm in my happy spot.
Armada: Do you have chronic agrophobia?
Slim: Uh... is somebody there?

Next, we've decided to interview the receptionist in the City Hall lobby.

Armada: Cobd and Armada, at your service. May we interview you?
Receptionist: "I want to fly like an eagle... to the sea"
Receptionist: And you are....
Cobd: Cobd and armada, we already told you, can we interview you?

Uh... I'm on my break, the directory is over there
Cobd: But the directory can't answer serious philosphical questions about Whyville.
Armada: I don't think she cares.
Armada: Who's your interior designer, ma'am? I like what they've done with this room.
Receptionist: The poll booth is on MY left

Armada: Psssst, cobd, who sings "Fly Like an Eagle"? Oh, right, Steve Miller Band.
Armada: How long have you been interested in Steve Miller?
Receptionist: You'll have to access the OUTSIDE stairs to get to City Records.

Cobd: This one isn't very helpful either.

(Editor's Note: Many people make this mistake -- the receptionist is a guy! He's sort of modeled after a now-old character played by David Spade on Saturday Night Live. Oh, and whenever I hear "Fly Like an Eagle", I hear the Seal re-make. Funny, huh?)

After that, we went and interviewed Mimi in the Dance studio. She CERTAINLY had a lot to say.

Mimi: Bon jour!
Armada: Psst, cobd, do you know French?
Cobd: Yes, she just said "Good day!"

Mimi: Comment allez vous?
Armada: I know absolutely no French....
Cobd: She just said, "How are you?" Now shhh, ok?
Cobd: We're fine, thank you, can we interview you?

Mimi: Voulez vous jouer le danse? Would you like to try some dancing? Oui?
Armada: NOW she starts translating! No, not right now. Now we want to interview you.

Et vous, do you 'ave experience?
Cobd: Well, I interviewed a Whyologist once, but that's not the point

Mimi: You need some dance instruction perhaps, oui?
Cobd: What? No, we can do this interview without instructions.

Mimi: Have you read the les instructions basic?
Cobd: No... Armada and I are perfectly capable of doing an interview without it.

Mimi: Avez vous experience?

Mimi: Tres bon!
Cobd: *whispers to Armada* Very good.
Armada: Very good? Well, I wouldn't say we're the next Dickens or anything, but...

Cobd: Ok, back on with the interview....
Mimi: Try learning the advanced dances!
Armada: Lady, I don't even know the beginner dances. Do you, cobd?
Cobd: *mumble* Maybeafewoftheadvanceddancesbutthat'sit *mumble*

Mimi: For dances and their prices, je vous referez to the poster below.
Armada: Uh... Am I blind, or is there no poster...?
Cobd: You're blind, it's the one that says: "Learn how to groove, baby." Anyway, back to the interview.

How do you enjoy working here?
Mimi: Si vous etes tres advanced, you may create your own dance.
Armada: I take that "si vous etes tres advanced" means you may create your own dance? See, I'm better at French already!
Cobd: No, actually she just said, "If you are very advanced, you may create your own dance."

Mimi: Why dance another's dance when you can design your own, oui?
Cobd: Is that your new advertising slogan?
Armada: Bit long for a slogan.

Mimi: Allez-vous to the private studio.
Armada: And....
Mimi: D'accord, maintenant I will continue with my stretches.

Cobd: See!!! All this fuss and we didn't even get an interview!!!
Cobd: *counts to ten*

Mimi: A dancer must stay flexible, n'est pas?
Cobd: Yes, she must.
Armada: *grumble* She ain't EVER getting my business again.
Mimi: Au revoir!

Well, our findings are simple. Either the bots are just not very cooperative, or they are only programmed to say certain sentences in a loop. We wonder if we'll ever know what they're really thinking!

This is Cobd and Armada, going to swim with the fishies....


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