We're at the pinnacle of the Playstation 2's era right now. With the PS3 just around the corner, and the holiday tides of games rolling in, I took a moment to consider how different our view on the future of gaming was a year ago. So instead of writing a lengthy, dull article about these differences, I decided to do an interview -- with my 2005 self. Through the magic of time and
space, I give you proof of this revolutionary event, which may or may not have happened yet.
Present Gamer37: Wow, I feel like such an idiot standing here waiting, where is he?
A DeLorean pops out of nowhere at approximately 88 miles per hour. A noticeably shorter version of myself steps out.
Past Gamer37: Sorry I'm late. Inter-dimension traffic was terrible.
Present Gamer37: So, what's new with you?
Past Gamer37: Dude, the PS3! I can't wait for it to be released this November! But,
you've probably played it, right? Is it awesome?
Present Gamer37: Actually, the PS3 still hasn't been released.
Past Gamer37: Are you joking? Man, now the Xbox 360 and the Nintendo Revolution have a
head start on console sales.
Present Gamer37: You know, they changed the Revolution's name to the Wii.
Past Gamer37: The Wii? What the heck does that mean? What is a Wii anyways?
Present Gamer37: You're asking the wrong person.
Past Gamer37: Does the Wii still have that geeky remote controller? Well, it's better
than the boomerang-shaped PS3 controller.
Present Gamer37: Thankfully, Sony got rid of the banana; the new controller is a lot
like a current wireless controller only less bulky.
Past Gamer37: Finally, a reasonably sized wireless controller, complete with rumble
effects and everything. Huzzah!
Present Gamer37: Well, Microsoft bought the company who patented the rumble effects.
Sony would have to pay a fee to Microsoft, so now rumble is Xbox exclusive.
Past Gamer37: A non-shaking controller? NO! That's horrible!
Present Gamer37: They replaced it with some kind of motion sensor thing, which will
be able to play games in the 4th dimension. Nobody knows what the heck that's supposed to mean.
Past Gamer37: Well, it'll still be a good deal for your $300.
Present Gamer37: Yeah, try doubling that amount of money.
Past Gamer37: 600 bucks for a game console?
Present Gamer37: Yeah, but it'll be able to do other cool stuff, like surf the web or
play Blu-ray disks.
Past Gamer37: What's a Blu-ray disk?
Present Gamer37: Some kind of glorified DVD, but at this point the PS3 couldn't come
out any sooner; we haven't had very many good games this year. I'm still waiting for Final Fantasy XII, which as far as I'm concerned will be the best game of this year.
Past Gamer37: FFXII still hasn't come out?
Present Gamer37: Yeah, the PS2 is totally lacking in the games department nowadays, I
wonder if it'll get better in the future though?
There is a brilliant flash of light and a stranger covered in chrome appears.
Future Gamer37: Dude have you played the PS5 yet? It's so cool; it lets you
play games with brainwaves!
Present Gamer37: What the? How'd you get in here?
Future Gamer37: Your front door was open.
Past Gamer37: Yeah, so what kind of games do people buy in the future?
Future Gamer37: Buy? Wow, that's old school. Everyone uploads games from the Internet
directly onto the PS5's 800-gigabyte memory.
Present Gamer37: 800 gigs?
Future Gamer37: I know, it's so lame; I have more memory on my cell phone now. But,
you can always upgrade.
Past Gamer37: Wow, I so did not understand a word you just said.
A rapid beeping comes from inside the DeLorean
Past Gamer37:Oh, hey, I gotta go, I have my pre-algebra final today. How do I do?
Present Gamer37: You failed miserably.
Past Gamer37: Sweeeeeeet! Catch you later!
Past Gamer37 reverses, speeds up to 88 miles per hour, and vanishes, leaving a
trail of flames in his wake.
Present Gamer37: Wow, that was like such a rip-off of Back to the Future.
Future Gamer37: Well, give him some, credit; everybody was a wannabe in the past. But
since President Lindsay Lohan made posing illegal, it's all good now.
Present Gamer37: President Lindsay Lohan?
Future Gamer37: Well, technically her and her armies of hairstylists are dictators, but no time to explain. I've got to get back to the future. Oh, and by the way, be sure to pick up a copy of Kingdom Hearts II, all the other gamers at school shunned me for six months because I didn't get a copy.
Present Gamer37: What?
Future Gamer37: Stop asking questions, I've gotta go!
After fiddling with a dial on his chrome sunglasses for several seconds, my future self vanishes immediately in a blinding blaze of pure white light.
Well, in conclusion, when in doubt, start talking to yourself, just not at a bus stop, of someone will call the insane asylum on you. (As I found out the hard way)
This is PRESENT Gamer37, signing off to rewind videotapes for the elderly.