www.whyville.net Nov 13, 2006 Weekly Issue

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The Gaming Gazette

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One night while I was innocently curled up in a beanbag playing my favorite Final Fantasy X, I heard a crash next to the window. I tore myself from my game, and strolled over to investigate it. There I saw the most peculiar sight anyone can hope to see on a Saturday night beside your back door - a white robed figure with a blazing light on its head. In its hands it held a large metal object, which looked slightly like a spoon.

"Hey I know you!" I exclaimed, "You're that guy from that one Charles Dickens book! The ghost of Christmas past!"

"That's my older brother," the ghost admitted sorrowfully. "He gets all the glory, while I'm stuck being the ghost of gaming past," he said in a mocking tone. "Well, I can worry about that later." Than, looking through the window at my TV screen he said, "You're coming with me, to the company where they made that game."

"I-wha?" I stammered, but the spirit grabbed me by the arm and we ascended into the air "Wait!" I screamed, "Where are you taking me?"

"To a forgotten age," the spirit said. "November 26,2002."

I floated above a large Japanese company, where I observed someone, obviously a CEO, with neat hair, and a suit with a gold-plated nametag reading "Enix CEO". He was speaking to another man in an outfit of equal class, except the nametag read "Square CEO".

"We've bought your company," the Enix CEO said solemnly to the other man.

"But, but why?" the Square CEO stammered.

"It's a great deal for both of us. We need more titles to fund in between Dragon Quest (a very excellent 2 dimensional Role-playing game, which is in Japan only, except for Dragon Quest VIII, which was recently released in the states. I highly recommend it!) releases, and you guys need are almost flat broke. Heck, the last Final Fantasy you guys released was nearly 3 years ago! And what have you guys had since than?" "Kingdom Hearts," the Square CEO murmured under his breath.

"Yeah, but look at the money you guys lost paying Disney for rights to use their characters! I'm telling you this merger is a win-win situation!"

The spirit than faded out, and while I floated another one popped up, whom I presumed to be the Ghost of Gaming Present. He was a large man, with a thick red beard, clothes made out of video game advertisements. He carried a glowing wireless controller, which I was later told was because "torches are so 18th century!" He spoke jollily and seemed optimistic, and wordlessly, he swept me away to EB Games.

I viewed the new copies of Kingdom Hearts II and advertisements for future games to come, which all bore the label "Square Enix".

"After Enix bought Square, gaming output has been slim to none. Kingdom Hearts II was released nearly 2 years later or when it was due to and Final Fantasy XII, which has yet to be released, should've come out December 2004. The new Japanese mega corporation doesn't seem to be doing so well, huh?"

He waited for a response. When he didn't receive one he asked, "Look, can I go now? I've got an appointment with Scrooge."

I dismissed the spirit with a wave of my hand and instantaneously a gothic looking ghost popped up and introduced in a scratchy voice "I am the . . ."

"Ghost of Gaming Future, I know."

"Humph, just for that interruption, I'm going to delay the release God of War II for a year."

"Darn it!" I said, and then I observed the spirit more closely. He was entirely shrouded in a black cloak and had one skeletal hand protruding. He floated off, which I deemed as a motion to follow him, although my mother always told me to never follow things that look like the Grim Reaper. (Or Gene Simmons)

I was back at my house. I saw, was that myself? I must've been at least 5 years older! Then in frustration I observed future me hurl down a copy of Official Playstation Magazine fuming "Aww man! Square Enix has done it again! Final Fantasy XIII moved all the way back to 2014! And it's not even going to be in 3D! This company has really sunk low, desperate for money!"

Future me than faded and me and the ghost were alone in an empty black space.

"You see," the spirit explained, "The company pushed titles back so far, to improve them a tiny bit, everyone grew tired of waiting and settled with various other Role playing games. So the company brought about its own destruction."

"That's horrible," I speculated mortified. The spirit turned to exit but I said, "Spirit, can I ask you one more thing?"

"Yes," he said.

"Where are we?"

"The International Space Station."

I heard a mortified astronaut say, "Houston we've got a heck of a problem."

Than I blinked once and was back home, playing Final Fantasy X as if nothing had ever happened.

But remember still Square Enix: it's not too late to change your fate and prevent this from happening.

This is gamer 37 signing off to find The Ghost of Crispy Bacon, which I'll bet you know what he does.


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