www.whyville.net Dec 5, 2007 Weekly Issue



Giggler01
Times Writer

Mad Medicine

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Bio-medicine: like magic, only better! Yes, Western society now wields power to cure more diseases than ever before! That's right ladies and gentlemen, over the past century science has helped human kind to make leaps and bounds in the field of medicine and now an ailment that was once a guaranteed death sentence now involves a short trip to the doctor for a prescription and voila! Healthy again and like new!

While modern medicine certainly can not cure every illness known, many people take for granted that many common and not-so-common plights can be cured by a simple prescription to the physician. And so, in honour of the marvels of modern medicine, I propose we venture into the depths of history to explore some of the outrageous treatments that have been proposed and executed (often unsuccessfully) by doctors of the time.

Let us begin with one of the most famous and prevailing "treatments" in all of history, which was practiced for hundreds of years and was purported to cure everything from the physical sickness to mental illness: bloodletting. The premise of bloodletting was quite simple - physician would cut patients in order to remove large volumes of blood from patients bodies. Why? Because throughout history there was a long held belief that illness was caused by poison in the blood or imbalance in one of the four humours - and the only way to fix it? Remove it from the body!

There is evidence to suggest that bloodletting is one of the oldest medical practices in all of human history, having been practiced in Mesopotamian society, but with the exception of a few ailments, the practice is now considered grossly outdated and I'm sure that if I doctored suggested to you he could cure your cold by making you bleed a lot, you would seek another opinion!

One disease (and I assure you there were many) which was claimed to be curable by bloodletting was malaria, and while modern doctors agree that bloodletting is actually prone to aggravate malaria symptoms, other cures might be even worse by today's standards. Some proposals to cure malaria? Well, it was believed that the body of a malaria sufferer could be cured by rubbing the patient's body from head to toe with wood chips - but not just any wood chips! The only wood chips which held medicinal properties were those taken from the gallows where criminals had been hanged. Another treatment for malaria involved a noble lady who would cut off a cat's ear, and the blood from said ear (three drops of blood to be precise) was then mixed with brandy and pepper to create what I'm certain was a delicious concoction.

While such cures may seem absurd to us today, it is important to remember that prescription medication as we know it is only a recent development in history. As early as the 1900s, many conditions which are now curable or easily managed, were a guaranteed death sentence. One disease I'm sure many people are familiar with is diabetes which is now easily managed through insulin and proper diet - but what about the time before insulin? Doctor's prescribed all sorts of diets which could "help manage" diabetes sufferers - but most of these diets were pretty bland and consisted of a single food such as oatmeal, rice, or potatoes. Of course, a slight more - dare I say, exhilarating treatment was for those patients who were prescribed a diet consisting only of opiates, a drug that is now illegal in many forms around the world. While morphine, one opiate is not outlawed, I'm sure that no diabetes patients out there expect to go to the hospital to receive morphine in order to regulate their blood sugar!

And what about mental illness? Well, diseases of the mind such as schizophrenia were believed to be curable in many ways. One form of treatment for psychopathy was hydrotherapy - a technique in which high pressure jets of body are sprayed on various parts of the body. Although hydrotherapy is used today to help dull the pain of some conditions such as arthritis, there is a general consensus among experts that spraying a person's body with water will not help solve their (sometimes permanent) mental illnesses. But hydrotherapy might be considered rather pleasant when compared with other "treatments" for insanity.

In 1949, Dr. Antonio Egas Moniz won the Nobel Prize in Medicine for a procedure he had development to cure a wide range of mental illnesses - anything for mild depression to severe psychopathy. The procedure was simple - drill a couple of holes in the brain, inject the patient with alcohol to sever connections in the front part of the brain and hey presto! Cured! This procedure often left patients in a "zombie-like" state, but they were considered to be cured of their insanity, nonetheless. And I don't know about you, but just thinking about this procedure makes my head hurt, so I'm glad to say that the practice is considered outdated.

So the next time you are feeling a little under the weather and you decide to pay the good ol' family doctor, be glad he's prescribing vile-tasting medicine and not a lobotomy or rub down with wood chips! I'm not saying modern medicine can cure all of life's problems, but it certainly beats some of the alternative treatments!

-Giggler01

Author's Note: Sources:
Aproximately 3.5 people with PhDs that I call professors
2 other good sirs with PhDs that I would call experts
My grade 11 English teacher
http://malariasite.com/malaria/history_treatment.htm (History of Malaria)
http://www.diabetes.ca/Section_About/timeline.asp (Diabetes timeline)
And of course, the ever credible Wikipedia.org

 

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