Another week, same topic. Love. But this love is going to be different; for it is not one of parents and children. But of men and men, women and men, and a woman with another.
Yes, THAT kind of love. You know, the one that makes you sick to your stomach in a good way, weak in the knees, and dizzy? Yes this love is what I'm talking about.
I was walking along in the dingy hallways in my school thinking about him. That's right, HIM. In those incredibly romantic hallways. Lalala, I was going out in my own world when . . . BAM! There he was. I know my exact words. "Uh sorry. I'm . . . uh going . . . there, yes there . . . so um like bye. Not like you asked . . . sorry. Well late. Going. Now . . . " Yes I know, I can be so articulate sometimes, I got that by his face. Yea you know the kind where they look at you like you have two heads? Yes. I seem to get this look a lot. Anyways, I scurried along panicky to my next class. Only to realize. Um, yea I was in the WRONG class. Because I went to Geometry. On the opposite side of the school. Which I happen to have with him. Great.
I walked in. Silence. What a wonderful start to today. I look like a dork AND I'm late. I hope this is not how the rest of my day will be like. I sat down silently and pulled out my books. The teacher is looming over me. I break into an awkward smile. "Hey . . . I went to Geometry by mistake. I swear!" I hear a voice behind me respond, "Yea I bumped into her. She was heading that way. I figured she had something to get so I did not say anything, but she did go there." Oh. My. God! I could not believe HE stood up for me. I practically fainted.
After class, I was walking to my locker and he stopped at my locker. "So . . . what are you doing this weekend?" he said. Again, I felt as if I could faint. Right there. "Homework and stuff." I could not believe that he wanted to be with me! I was so happy!
That weekend, I called him and we decided to hang out and go to the movies. We went into the dingy and cramped theater. Nevermind being in some serious need of personal space, I was completely content. After the movie we scampered out of the movie cinema to find light snowflakes falling from the pale pink sky. We looked at each other and I knew. A sphinx-like grin crept across his face. Kiss in the rain? Well I guess snow was close enough.
Fast forward to March of that year; 4 months later.
I was sitting in the hallway with my best girlfriends, doing our homework on the ground. I was just worried about finishing the last problem. I was so absorbed. I never noticed. Oh he was so slick. I was always not there or distracted. Everyone else in the room knew. They were all secretly waiting for the day I would finally look up and see.
The day I finally saw was a day similar to them all. But different. I did all my homework and therefore I did not need to work hard. But he did not know that I did not. My eyes were gazing through the throngs of people that lined the hallways. My friend was talking to herself in soft whispers beside me. My eyes were methodically scanning the crowd, not for anything in particular though.
And then I saw. My boyfriend whispering in some girl's ear. She was smiling like a fat cat. And he had a happy smirk on his face. I saw my world swirling down a toilet bowl. How could he. I felt as if I was frozen. I could not see or hear anyone. I could only see. Only see them. My eyes welled up but I had to will myself not to cry. I felt weak and brittle, yet at the same moment I wanted to go tell him off. I was so confused. I did not know whether to be angry or sad. I felt like sobbing. I liked him a lot. How could he disregard my feelings like that? A lone tear fell down my cheek. I knew soon others would follow. I turned to my friend. "I think I'm going to that bathroom," I said. I could tell my voice was hollow. She saw through it. And she escorted me there.
It was free period I knew I had time to cry. But I left no time to feel bad. Hey, this is his fault. Kate said she knew. She wanted me to see for myself. He did this every free period as I did endless extra credit and homework. We hatched a plan.
We were going to have my get all cleaned up before I went out (my mascara turned my cheeks black at this point). I would walk down the hall in his direction. This was abnormal for me. I never walked this way. Everyone was relatively silent. I would tell Kate at one end of the hall that I was going to see him at the other end.
It was time. I started my trek to the end. Not just the hall but my seemingly picture-perfect relationship. With each step, a happy memory. And I knew the final one would be the fatal one. I walked up to him; about to turn the corner to the corridor where he was sitting. I could hear slight chatter. I walked up and he barley looked at me. Until I spoke. He recognized the voice of his girlfriend immediately ad stood up like a soldier ready for battle.
"I know," was all I said. I looked into his eyes and walked away. It was not a showdown. I did not insult him. Why would I bow down to the despicable level? There was no doubt tears slid silently down my cheeks, but these were different. Not happy; but not woeful. Just peaceful. I had made my peace. He knew what he had done was wrong. The gossip though ten times harsher than my words; would never cut as deep. Nothing does. Nothing like getting caught and the girl you did so much wrong to being nice to you. I could have done so much worse. But I didn't. The pain was letting go.
Through this experience you can take many lessons:
- Forgive, sometimes it's better.
- Revenge may not be the best policy.
- Don't sink to another person's level.
- Sometimes what you wish for wasn't what you really wanted.
This is Lyd1212, Hoping you learned a couple of things *BAM*