www.whyville.net Mar 9, 2008 Weekly Issue



Antier
Times Writer

Zero

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One is only one because there is a zero.

Have you ever thought about that? Really thought? I suspect not, so take the opportunity now.

Pi is only pi because there is a zero.

Imagine an elevator. Put whatever in there you'd like - a plush carpet, movie posters, flashing lights - it's your elevator. Let's say you live on floor forty-two, because you're rich and forty-two is an awesome number.

Now, let's say one day you are lounging in your elevator (You're rich, so it's private, of course), and you wonder what would happen if there were no zeros. This being your imagination, your thoughts are instantly granted.

Now imagine that the elevator went up forever. I'm not kidding - it goes up and up and up, and whether you lived three minutes later or three millennium later, you'd be no closer to reaching the end. Why? Because there is no end.

Same thing for going down. Actually I think it'd be a bit stranger for the down part, considering gravity and all, but that's not important at the moment.

So, here comes the question - which floor are you on?

Well, think about it again for a moment. Let's say, hypothetically, you were on unlucky floor thirteen. Well, if you really were on the thirteenth floor, you'd just have to go down thirteen floors until you hit the ground. In your pretty plush elevator now, if you went down thirteen floors, where would you be? Nowhere. Exactly.

So to find out which floor you're on, you'd have to count how many floors you cross before you hit zero, or the ground floor. No problem, right? Well, actually, yes there is. You'll never hit zero. Ever. No matter where you move, you'll be no closer to anything else than you were before.

So . . . which floor are you on?

None. You aren't on any floor. Simple as that.

Numbers are only determined by how far away they are from zero.

Imagine you're playing paint ball, and your arch nemesis is there. But she's not just any arch nemesis; she's this barrel-like thing with an huge nose and muscles that could take on Godzilla without breaking a sweat. And whatever she has - well, it doesn't look like a paint ball gun. Bazooka would be more accurate. And she's there to take you down, because she's got her eyes on your crush, Conner.

Oh yes, that's right. Feel the drama.

So the whistle blows, the checkered flag is waved, the burly man counts to ten (can you tell I've never played paint ball?), and the battlefield is filled with flying projectiles. And yet hardly a minute passes before you see your Arch Nemesis striding towards you, bazooka aimed, a wicked grin upon her face.

Not wanting to go to the grave, and especially not wanting to leave your beloved Conner to be dragged off by the hair to Nemesis's cave, you decide to valiantly use that black belt you earned in Run-Fu.

Woo, now back to zeros. The farther you are from Nemesis, the closer you are to safety, right? Let's say, due to your incredible powers in your art, you manage to put a healthy distance of one mile between you and the oncoming danger. Two miles is even better. Maybe you should try the next city, state, or, heck, China might just take the cake.

But let's analyze this a bit here. You have a source ? a zero ? the Nemesis. You are a distance away from the nemesis ? several thousand miles ? and that is the number. You cannot have a number without a source. You cannot have a one without a zero.

So now, let's say that Nemesis had a tragic accident with an electrical socket and no longer presents a danger to you. So where are you? Seven thousand miles from . . . from what? Your zero is now in the obituaries. Your seven-thousand mile number no longer exists.

Okay, sure, if you want to count that scary spider you found in your bathroom as a danger, go ahead, but that's not the point here.

Every number has a zero. No number can exist without a zero.

This would technically be the end of the article, but I'll wind up with some thoughts for you (that I might elaborate upon with a second article if my lazy rear allows me to): all information has an absolute. No information can exist without an absolute. If no number can exist without a zero, then our spot in time (also considered information and a number) cannot exist without a zero, or beginning. Space itself is the same way - think of it like a graph. No matter can exist without an absolute (X and Y axis; origin), or unchanging source, although that's a bit more complicated.

Antier

 

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