www.whyville.net Mar 23, 2008 Weekly Issue

Times Writer

The TRUTH about Nim's Island

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The first time I heard about it was probably one of the worst moments of my Why-Life. It was a poll on the Whyville Welcome Page.

"Have you heard about Nim's Island?"

I panicked. The blood ran from my face and my hand started shaking on the mouse. The mouse got a tad worried as he didn't quite understand why I'd taken him out of his cage and was trying to steer the computer with him. I put him back inside and stared at the screen. How could they have found out about my island?

Well, I guess I'll have to tell you the truth now. One day, I took a disliking to Wales (a country attached to England) and decided to disattach it and use my Super-Raft to drag it round over Canada into the Pacific Ocean, near to Whyville. This seemed logical as it meant that if I ever had a problem with my island, I could call up lovedyed or scyllacat and they'd come and fix it for me. Also, I could wave to my friends in Canada as I passed by (but they probably couldn't see me as I was on a raft). I then decided to turn all the Welsh people into mermaids and grow trees all over my island. I put some crocodiles in and some massive boulders and invited my whole Why-Posse over.

To be honest, the "Scientist" that is advertised as being one of the stars isn't really a scientist at all. He just says he is so that people will think he's an intellectual and give him free stuff. He's a good friend of mine who's a student at university. The only problem is, he's a bit delusional after eating the enchiladas from the Cafeteria one time too many times. One day, some random little punk called Abigail Breslin decided to parachute off of her hot air balloon onto my secret island. She found the scientist and the conversation went something like this . . .

Abigail: Hi.
Scientist: Who are you?
Abigail: Nim . . .
Scientist: Were you always that short?
Abigail: Ja
Scientist: Ah, you're randomly mincing into German! You MUST be Nim.
Abigail: Yup, I'm your daughter...

She then got him to sign some adoption to contracts to prove this and all was set. I was back home in England writing essays and so I'd given care of the island to Whyvillian 8Dyay8D. I forgot to tell her this until afterwards though so I don't think I can blame her for letting Abigail and the Scientist wreak havoc upon the island.

Now, one day, the scientist started having some enchilada related delusions and decided to jump into the sea. I decided to make the sea surrounding our island out of cranberry juice as this would mean that we could save water. He was having a quick drink when suddenly, one of the mermaids dragged him down underneath the sea to their cove and they started playing ping pong. So, actually, it wasn't really a delusion . . . It was more me creating an unrealistically insane island. Anyway, Abigail decided that she'd look for him on the island. Now, it just so happens that, to avoid doing essays, I threw my biology teacher into the sea and she washed up on the island. Abigail decided to recruit her into her mission of finding the scientist. It was a pretty easy goal actually, as he'd left a post it note on the door saying where he'd be. However, Abigail then fabricated the story to make it look like she'd been in some craaazy adventure so that it could be made into a motion picture.

Next thing I knew, I got a frantic call from 8Dyay8D telling me that my Super-Raft had been stolen. Instinctively, I called up the police and left the registration (N1M5 R4FT) with them. That's when I logged into Whyville and saw the poll. It took me a long time to figure out where the raft was (as I don't frequent Beach South that often) but I found it. Whyvillians were no longer being treated to LOST previews as the in-flight movie (other tv shows are available) but instead were being shown FakeNim on "her" island having fabricated adventures! It wasn't until I got to the island did I realise that Whyvillians had infiltrated the dense forests and were feeding my detoxodiles (crocodiles on a detox diet) and stomping all over my geraniums.

And the worst bit of it? At the end of the Jungle Maze Game, all of the Whyvillians squeal with glee as they meet the stork who showers them with clams. That stork is my accountant . . . Stanley Tork. He looks after all my clams because I don't pay enough attention to that to do so. Anyway, all of those clams that you guys get come out of my pocket! I'd be staring at my clams one sunny afternoon and my clams would suddenly start dribbling away. I was saving up for a scion... a nice red one, until the Maze Game came along.

This is Cobd . . . a.k.a The Artist Formerly Known as Nim.

Authors Note: Nim's Island is the property of Walden Media and 20th Century Fox and the Nim's Island Maze Game is the property of Whyville and Numedeon. None of the content in this article is true. It is fiction. Cobd is an idiot.

No welshmen were harmed in the making of this article.


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