Growing up seems like one of the hardest things for me to do. I just want to pause my age and stay this way forever, never aging, never dying, just staying 15. Forever. When I read the "Twilight" books I wonder what life could be like if I could be like a vampire. Just staying this age forever is exactly what I want.
But I can't. And I know that. And it scares me. It scares me that I'll keep growing and changing forever and I can't stay the way I want for as long as I want. When I turned 14 I decided it was the perfect age and I was going to stay 14 forever. Well, as you can see . . . that plan didn't work out very well. And in less than two months, just two months, I'll be turning 16.
I'll be able to drive, get a job, and will be half way through with high school. It's so weird seeing all my friends getting their permits and drivers liscences when it seems we should still be driving down the road in our barbie cars and tonka trucks. Soon I'll be responsible for paying for the rising gas prices and I've been searching for my first job. And starting high school and being half way done with high school seem to come at ridiculously close times. I'm just not ready for all this.
I'm not a little kid anymore. I'm growing up. And sometimes I just can't deal with that. The stress that comes with growing up is not stress I want to have to handle just yet. College seems so far off but yet so close at the same time. I've already got a college that I want to go to and I've taken the ACT. It's so weird that the things that used to seem like a million years from now are sneaking up on me all the time.
I put on my Hidden Hollow Camp T-shirt when I got ready for bed tonight, and it hit me hard. I'm not going to camp this year. The camp I've been going to forever. The camp I love so much. I'm too old. Being too old to do the things I love so much is something that scares me most. I've gotten too old for the kiddy rides at the fair, too old to eat off the kids menu, and now too old for camp. What else will I continue to grow too old for?
I think the thing that makes me the most sad about growing up, is missing the things I used to do when I was little. Being little was the best time of my life. Waking up and going to my "Gramie's" house. Watching Nick Jr. throughout the morning. Having Lucky Charms for breakfast and PB & J and apple juice for lunch. Playing hide and seek with my cousins and screaming "ready or not" at the top of my lungs. I think that just having all those simple, simple things making up my life was what made me so happy. Not having a care in the world and not having to worry about how hard the chemistry test is going to be or who's going out with who. Just being Morgan and loving life.
I know my life will continue to go on no matter what I want. And I'm actually excited for some things. I want to go to college and become a teacher. I want to get married, and I want to have kids. I can't do these things if I put my life on hold. So, I'm going to have to grow up. I'm going to have to go out into the world and face my life, no matter how much it scares me. I can be afraid of growing up forever. I think the most important thing right now is to just have fun and enjoy acting like a little kid while I still can. But the time will come when I'll need to wake up and smell the roses, move on with life, and stop being young. This time when I'm screaming ready or not, it won't be because i'm playing Hide and Seek. It will be because my youth has come to an end, whether I'm ready, or not.
