www.whyville.net May 18, 2008 Weekly Issue

Whyville Columnist

Seriously Funny Investigations

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I know we all wonder about this bizarre, unexplainable question we all ask ourselves when doing laundry. Personally, I ask myself this question everyday, when I have to put on my unmatching socks. Where do all the socks go? The washer machine certainly does not eat them for it does not have a stomach . . . or does it? This is a question that took some serious thought; ok actually it just took some serious TV watching.

I learned the theory that I believe is probably not true but the best explanation I could ever think of, on the one and only, "Arthur". Yes my children, I was watching "Arthur" on PBS kids one morning and one of DW's favorite socks went *gasp* missing. She of course, blamed it on Arthur immediately, but he was not the culprit. It was the the least suspected person . . . er, pet. It was *gasp* PAL.

The sweet and innocent little puppy, stealing a sock? But why?! What can a dog do with a sock besides chew it up? Well the answer to that question is a lot. He can do quite a lot with that one little sock. There is a secret world, called the Sock Market, that all the cats and dogs go to at night. They trade in all the socks they steal for other socks and try to get the best socks so they can get special things like bones and stuff!

So, now that we know where the lost and lonely socks are, we can stop pondering what happens to them. But what if you don't have any pets? Ok so we obviously know that isn't the true answer. But I like it the best. Now, let's see what Whyvillians like the best.

Morgan612: What do YOU think happens to all the lost socks?

Felix: People steal them out of the laundromat.
Ushersg: You see, I don't THINK about what happens to lost socks, I KNOW what happens to lost socks. You see, about two-hundred years ago, I kicked it with my BFFAEAEAE-Shmelon (I am over 200 years). Anywhoo, Shmelon was a cool dude and all but I remember him having a weird obsession with socks, so every time he came over to my pad, he stole my socks . . . not a whole pair, normally just one sock per pair. Weeks went by and his addiction to socks got worse. I wanted him to seek help, but now he collects all lost socks from all over the world. So, yeah, I think that all lost socks are in Shmelon's garage because, last time I checked, that's where his collection is stored. Where is his garage? That, my friend, is a mystery in itself.
Swim197: I think all the lost socks were hidden by children, chewed up by the dog, or in the laundry.

You're probably thinking oh, it's probably the more practical answers, like chewed up by the dog or stolen from the laundromat. But wait . . . I don't have a dog, so they must be stolen from the launder mat. But . . . I don't go to the laundromat. So where else could they go? I don't know where else besides the Sock Market or Shmelon's garage. I'm pretty sure those are the only two places they could possibly be. Case closed.

Thanks for reading, this has been another . . . SHUT UP GRANDMA! Oh, Grandma, can I have some money?


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