www.whyville.net Jun 8, 2008 Weekly Issue



Morgan612
Whyville Columnist

Seriously Funny Investigations

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I'm sure you've all heard the saying, "That's the best thing since sliced bread". I have, many times. And so I've wondered. What did people say before sliced bread came about? What was the best thing before sliced bread?

According to my extraneous research, I have come to divulge, that sliced bread was first put on store shelves in 1928. That my friends, is 80 years. For 80 long years, sliced bread has been the best thing. But there have been a lot of great things in the years before sliced bread. There has been shoes and crayons and windshield wipers, coffee and lamps and life savers, just to name a few. I just need to find out, which was the best?

Although I think it has to be life savers. Because life savers save lives. Because if you choke on them, there's a hole, and you won't die because you'll still be able to breathe through that hole! That's why they're the best. Because they save lives. That's why they're called life savers. Or it might be rice. You never know.

But, once again, it was time to find out the opinions of society.

Morgan612: What do you think was the best thing before sliced bread?

BabyPowdr: Canned Peaches.
Theirs: Unsliced bread, duh!
Ssmartyyo: Oooh I know! Squirrels! YAY!
Anyonka: Okay. Seriously. The best thing before sliced bread was Chinese finger traps. Those things are seriously fun. Or paper. Or books.
xXweberXx: Monkey?

This is ridiculous. Nobody even said Life Savers. Or rice. This is not working out. Everyone said something different. Now I won't know what the best thing before sliced bread was. UNLESS . . . I ask a person 80 years or older what they said was the best before sliced bread came around. But I don't know anyone 80 years or older, except my great-grandma, but I highly doubt she'd know what I was talking about and she'd think I was one weird child, so I'm just gonna stick to the interviews.

We have now gained the great knowledge that the best thing before sliced bread came around was canned peaches, unsliced bread, squirrels, Chinese finger traps, paper, books, or monkeys. But it could also very well be Life Savers. Or rice. So now you know. This is Morgan's Super Short Show! Oops I don't think I'm allowed to steal that from Disney Channel. SORRY!

Well thanks for reading. This has been another . . . Grandpa! Pass the milk! EARTHQUAAAAAKE!

 

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