www.whyville.net Jul 6, 2008 Weekly Issue

Whyville Columnist

Seriously Funny Investigations

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Hello future corporate workers of America! Oops, wrong speech. Hello Whyvillans! I've been getting many complaints about my column saying that it's getting worse and it isn't funny anymore. Well, I being the columnist that I am, do not want my column to die like when a bear gets a hold of a fish that swims a little slower than all the rest.

In other words I want it to continue. And be good. Good articles are more important to me than just continuing it and writing crap. I'm going to try harder. I promise. I will make my articles better. And also I will start using a lot of suggestions from Whyvillians, I just need more suggestions. Next week I will be writing about fish flushing. This week, however, will be about cows. Well, kind of.

I was driving down the road with my dear friend the other night and we saw something. I don't remember what it is we saw, but it made her say, "HOLY COW!" Then we got into a deep discussion about why people say, "Holy Cow." Why cow? Why not a different animal? Why not, "Holy rabid squirrel!"? Well I guess maybe because that one would be a little long to say, but you get my point.

I interviewed several Whyvillians to find out what they thought about why we say "Holy Cow". That part was to find out my answer. I also asked them to fill in the blank in "Holy ____!" with what would be a better word to use other than cow. That part was for the entertainment.

Morgan612: Why do you think we say ?Holy Cow??

ItsHeidi: Because cows are amazing and they're huge so we think they're holy.
IAmNaD: Because if we say it then the cow shall be holy.
karma1013: Some people could prefer Holy COW instead of Holy Christ, because they care.
MeetTerry: I don't know. Maybe some idiot wanted to share his inner feelings about cows.

Morgan612: Fill in the blank with something other than cow. "Holy ____!"

ItsHeidi: Rhino
Sulkylam: BANANAS!
IAmNaD: Holy Elephant
MRchair: Guacamole

My dear friend, by the way her name is Brinnley, said it was because people used to worship golden cows. But I can't count on this information, it's from Brinnley. Sometimes she's like me and she just talks without even realizing what's coming out of her mouth. Golden Cow could have in fact been the very first thing to come to her head so she said it. So I did some research. Hindus think cows are sacred. But I didn't really find anything about anyone worshiping golden cows. Although I think a sacred animal could be considered holy and they just said Holy Cow and it didn't really have to be golden.

Well, looks like we're back to the days where my answers aren't definite. Thanks for reading, this has been another . . . HOLY RABID SQUIRREL! IS THAT A RABID MAILMAN?


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