Oh. My. God. I am finally home from what has to be the most embarrassing night of my life. Why I'm choosing to share this with you is something I don't even understand. Maybe I'm trying to give you comfort by helping you realize you aren't the only one who has embarrassing moments. Maybe I'm trying to give you a good laugh, or an outlet to release boredom. Whatever the reason may be, here I go.
There's this boy I know, let's call him Mike, who I am crushing on hard. After talking to him I found out that he had a baseball game at 5:30 at the same park where I was going to have a soccer game at 7:00. Naturally, I decided to bring a friend and watch him play before my game.
After arriving an hour late, I found an empty spot on the bleachers and proceeded to watch Mike, who is a huge piece of eye candy FYI, get his game on. I apparently lost track of time, so when I looked over at the field my team was supposed to be on I realized the game had already started. I mumbled a few things under my breath, and gathered all of my soccer equipment in a rush. I stood up in an attempt to get off those bleachers as quickly as possible, but I tripped and landed in what my friend calls "a fetal position" on the gravel. To make matters worse, I let out a loud high pitched scream that drew the attention of everyone, including Mike. I could have sworn I heard someone say, "Smooth."
Despite the fact that my knee was throbbing and covered in cuts and blood, I ran over to my soccer team in a way that must have looked unusual to anyone watching. My coach gave me ice, a few bandages, and let me sit out for a good 10 minutes. As I was running towards the field ready to play, I noticed Mike and a group of his friends walking over. They sat down on the grass and started watching the game. I took this as an opportunity to make up for my previous embarrassment, and impress him with my soccer skills. I stole the ball from a member of the other team and ran with it towards the net. As I was winding up to kick the ball I got elbowed in the face and collapsed to the ground. You'd think my nose was a waterfall with all of the blood pouring out of it. As if that wasn't embarrassing enough, I got escorted off the field and was forced to put an ice pack on my face as well as shove Kleenex up my nose. I can only imagine how attractive I must have looked. What can I say? Mike's a lucky guy.
After the game finished, I cleaned up and jogged towards the guys. I was thinking of ways I could make my acts of embarrassment appear charming, but before I could think of one I tripped over a water bottle someone had left on the ground. This caused my already injured knee to start bleeding even more, despite the various bandages that were supposed to prevent situations like these. Gee, just thinking about it turns my cheeks an unflattering shade of red.
So folks, if you are trying to impress a guy I guarantee you tripping twice and getting a nose bleed will not work. Unless of course your man is into the whole damsel in distress thing, in which case do exactly what I did and he'll be yours.
Icing her nose which now has a lovely bruise,