www.whyville.net Aug 31, 2008 Weekly Issue

Times Writer

Surviving School

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Author's Note: I realize this is a little late considering a lot of people have already started school, but it's still the beginning of the school year.

Throughout middle school and high school I've learned some very important things that you should and shouldn't do and I thought I might share a few with you. Pay close attention. These are crucial for surviving the school year.

Biology: If you're a girl, it's probably a wonderful idea when choosing lab partners to choose a guy. They think taking apart the head of a grasshopper and trying to find a worm's brain is actually kind of cool, and will probably end up doing most of the dissecting. They get to do something cool, you get a good grade. It's a win-win situation.

Caution: The use of this tip may or may not result in having frog guts put in your face when your lab partner gets a little over excited about finding a cool organ or something.

History: History has always been a boring class for me. Do not under any circumstances, take it into your own hands and try to make it fun. You will get yelled at to close your mouth every five minutes and you will end up sitting by the kid who likes to annoy the entire class by telling everyone, "Yo breath stank."

Also, under any circumstances do not tell your feminist history teacher your views on Hilary Clinton or anything else. She will begin to cry and say that we are all afraid to have a woman in power and it will not be pretty.

English: It is probably in your best interest not to sit next to that one girl that thinks she knows everything and who asks for harder work. You will indeed get lectured everyday about being a good student and doing harder work and if you complain she will lecture you more about pushing yourself to your limits. And it's not fun.

Also, pay attention to movies no matter how boring. You never know when you will be quizzed on something you didn't pay attention to.

Geometry: It is probably a pretty good idea not to lose the calculator issued to you because you will spend hours trying to figure out how to do the procedures on your own confusing calculator and you may get points taken off on several tests because you can't do the operations correctly.

Chemistry: Never, and I mean never, mix a large amount of zinc with a large amount of acid during the time period when your teacher is giving you extra help and tells you not to mix those things. Also, know what the hood is when he yells that it is giving off a harmful gas and says "PUT IT IN THE HOOD, PUT IT IN THE HOOD" By the way, the hood is some glass thing. You might also get kicked out of getting extra help during lunch.

Spanish: Do not anger the Spanish teacher. Do not talk to your friends non stop and do not throw paper at your crush. Do not speak English and do not wear a jacket with a hood. Do not bring your purse that happens to be kind of big because you have a lot of needs. She will think it is a book bag and you will get in trouble. Do not anger the Spanish teacher.

Ask her lots of questions about when she lived in Ecuador and you may just get out of homework for the day. However when you do have homework, DO NOT pretend that you didn't hear her and try to get the whole class to go along with it. There is always one person who isn't in on the whole going along with not hearing the homework thing and will tell the teacher yes she did indeed say we had homework. Do not anger the Spanish teacher.

Extracurricular Activities:

Soccer: Always make sure your shoes are tied, electrical tape can come in handy. Watch out behind you at all times, carefully making sure all soccer balls are out of your way. Never assume that the friend you are running beside is going to kick the ball that is ahead of you. Also don't just keep running until you trip over it. Another very important thing would be, if a ball is coming straight at your face, don't just stand there.

Softball: While getting hit with a pitch ensures you get to walk to first base, it would probably be ideal to try to dodge balls coming at your head. Or your leg. Or your arm. And don't accidentally run into a the pitcher while she is running to third base because that will give her a reason to give you pay back and she will definitely aim for your head next time you're up to bat. And if you're like me, she won't miss.

Key Club: Do not think you are capable of volunteering to do everything that nobody will volunteer to do. Do not take on 50 million projects all at once. You will get behind on homework and possibly not finish everything you need to accomplish and possibly have to not join Key Club next year.

Honors Society: If you do get inducted into Honors Society it is probably a good idea not to wear bright colors to the induction ceremony because you will be the only one not wearing black and white and you will stand out and feel awkward. Make sure to tell your mother when you have a meeting because she will get your there super late and you will not get to say your speech to become treasurer of Honors Society.

So there you are, follow these tips and you'll survive school like a pro. Just remember, never shout "FOOD FIGHT" in the cafeteria. That could lead to some trouble . . . and not to mention a lot of cleaning.


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