www.whyville.net Nov 2, 2008 Weekly Issue

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Better in Time

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Author's Note: This is a story I wrote for my creative writing class. I got an A, but I would like to know what others think. This is what I truly think about myself and is not fictional. Suggestions and criticism are highly wanted! Thanks!

My birthday is around the corner. Everyone is asking me what I want. Well, I don't want what everyone wants like money or a cell phone. I don't even want a car. I want to figure out myself. I want to find who I am, who I want to be, and how I will do it. I'm sick and tired of putting on all these different faces to please different people. For my friends, the silly girl who doesn't care. For my parents, the nerdy little band geek that does nothing wrong. For my teachers, this student who will overachieve until her heart gives out. For my classmates, a girl who never talks, and is weird. For my guy friends, a girl who will do anything just for a second glance.

I want people to know and accept the real me, but how can I do that when I don't even know and accept the real me. I need to figure out what path I'm going to take and fast. Life is too short, and I don't want to waste it on this stupid problem. I know people say this all the time, but I just need to know. Not just to show other people, but to show myself.

I want to show my friends that I can be who I am without changing behind closed doors. I want to show my parents that I can have a personality. That band and school aren't the only things I can do. I want to show my teachers that I'm not perfect. I can make mistakes too. I want to show my peers and classmates how outgoing I can be. I don't sit home and read. I have a life too. And lastly, I want to show my guy friends that I won't be taken advantage of. I have feelings.

I just need that sense of security. That sense of self-confidence. Where I can have my own identity. Where I can look at myself in the mirror and think that I am happy with myself. I know everyone has aspects that they aren't happy with, but my identity, self-confidence, is what I'm not happy with. That is something I can fix. Not with plastic surgery, Botox, or money, but myself. I know I can do it, but I don't know how yet.

I've gotten A's on impossible tests. I've played a whole musical piece that was "unplayable." I've read 3000 page books in no time at all. I've unlocked every song on Guitar Hero with ease. I've "T.P.-ed " the most hated teacher's house and was praised a million times. This task will seem like an easy one for most. For me, this is a different story. This will be the hardest thing I've ever done. I want to be able to do it, and I think I can. I mean look at all these things that I can do already. Finding myself will be easy, right?

For my fifteenth birthday, I don't want a car, cell phone, money, or jewelry. I want a brand new start. I want to release all this tension and begin a new chapter in my life, while keeping the other chapters in storage. I need the closure of my old life, but the energy of my new one. I know that I won't get this from other people. It's a gift to myself. No one else will know about it, but I will. Maybe that's what I need. Something that is my own and no one else's. No one will know what's wrong or different, but I will know it. That's all I need and all I've ever wanted.


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